SHARK NIGHT

 1 out of 5 stars

UGH...it seems like EVERY shark movie with the exception of jaws seems to get a 1 or 2 star review from me. at least, piranha has boobs and campy elements! this had neither. in fact, it took itself waaaaay too seriously for a movie about freshwater sharks living in a saltwater lake that go after a bunch of tulane kids for no apparent reason... :/

i guess the spring semester is over, and a bunch of tulane kids decide to party at sara palski’s (sara paxton from last house on the left) home in lake crosby, LA. they pack up their SVU, head for the highway, and do a pitstop at a bait shop. sara’s token black friend malik and his GF maya encounter some good ol’ fashioned racism from the locals, and it turns out one of them is sara’s ex-BF, dennis. (you know he’s either gonna be the bad guy or help these tulane bitches against the sharks) they get to the house, and it’s all about the tanning, jet-skiing, and beer pong in the pool. things are going great until malik, who’s on the jet ski, is attacked by a shark and loses his arm! everyone is freaking out, until the pre-med guy states that they need to take malik’s ass to a hospital. of course, from there...the sharks decide to systematically take out each college kid..until it’s just our heroine sara and her hero nick. we find out why there are sharks in a saltwater lake, but it’s nothing surprising... i’ll give you a hint: SHARK WEEK on the discovery channel. ;)

instead of this shit, they could just done a re-make of deep blue sea. remember that crazy shark movie with LL cool j and thomas jane and WHO COULD FORGET...SAMUEL L. JACKSON?!?! this movie took itself waaaaay too seriously. all it needed was SLJ yelling “I’M SICK...OF THESE MUTHAFUCKING SHARKS...IN THIS MUTHAFUCKING LAKE!!!” :P too bad that didn’t happen because i would have automatically given this one an extra star. sigh...