COWBOYS & ALIENS
3 out of 5 stars

ella: “they want gold.”
col. dolarhyde: “well, that’s just ridiculous. what are they gonna do? buy something?”

duuuuude... THIS MOVIE WAS RIDICULOUS. :P

the whole premise is that aliens are invading the wild wild west, and indiana jones (an angry harrison ford) and james bond (a stale daniel craig) team up with a bunch of western outlaw bandit types and apache indians to take said aliens DOWN. do they succeed? of course, they succeed! IT’S INDIANA AND JAMES BOND!!! :P however, in case you want to know the whole story... a cowboy named jake lonergan (daniel craig) wakes up in the middle of the desert...not remembering a single thing. he’s got a weird metal bracelet on his wrist, and notices a scar on his side. he’s bleeding, but doesn’t remember getitng shot. these other cowboys try to take him into town, but he beats them up and basically steals their clothes. (and gun!) he rides into town, and finds that col. dolarhyde’s son percy (a crazy-ass paul dano) is causing trouble in the town of absolution. both percy and jake end up locked up in jail when the aliens start attacking the town, snatching up the townsfolk with their metal claw-like lasso hooks. the aliens essentially snatch up everyone except the main starts of the movie, and both indiana and 007 need to 1) rescue their peeps and 2) kill all aliens and 3) figure out what they’re doing here on earth. YEE-HAW!!! :P

at first glance, i thought this was going to be independence day: the wild west version. umm...it’s not. independence day had the funny black guy and the awkward jewish dude, but this was angry old white guy and super serious british dude... where’s the fun in that? also, adam beach, whose played and attached himself to almost every native american movie, is a little bitch in this one. i, for one, who have liked to see him as chief...hah! (hasn’t he earned it by now?) very stereotypical- in terms of cowboys, native americans, even the aliens with their creepy little tri-fingers! i expected better than the director who gave us iron man... seriously, where’s the witty dialogue? or RDJ?! oh yeeeeah...probably passed up on this b/c of the shitty writing. :P