Tuesday, December 28, 2010

THE EXPENDABLES
3 out of 5 stars

this one is what i like to call a wet dream of action movie heros. why, you ask? because you’ve got sylvester stallone at the directing helm, jason statham + jet li + randy couture + terry crews as his mercenary dream team, “stonecold” steve austin as a badass merc, and cameos from BOTH bruce willis AND the governator! if that’s not a wet dream, what is?! :P



sylvester stallone is merc-for-hire barney ross, who accepts a job from mr. church (bruce willis) to assassinate the dictator general garza reigning on the island of villena. problem is that this is no walk in the park. the general has got help from a rogue FBI agent named james munroe and his own group of private mercs. the general’s army is highly skilled and highly armed, and it would take a crazy group of dudes to take on this island. well, barney and his boys are THAT crazy… plus, there’s also a woman involved in the picture! the general’s daughter wants barney and his boys to restore villena back to what it was before the greedy americans came to the island. pretty straight forward…


there’s a lot of stuff getting blown up, body parts flying everywhere, lots of violence, lots of gunfire, and lots of muscle. it almost seems like sylvester stallone called in every single favor he could think of including mickey rourke who looked like he just walked off the set of iron man 2 in full costume! (he really is a brilliant actor though…even in one scene…) stallone looks like he’s out of breath almost every scene, but jason statham does a good job as a badass knife enthusiast who can throw knives with such slick ease, it’s great to see him doing roles other than a car driving assassin. plotwise, ehh… action-wise, if you’ve got a penis, you’ll enjoy this the whole hour + 43 min. :P

Monday, December 27, 2010

FOUR CHRISTMASES
2 out of 5 stars

“you can’t spell families without the word lies. try it.” – brad



as if you could fool us into thinking that reese witherspoon & vince vaughn could EVER be a convincing couple! with that said, i don’t think this one receives high marks on cast or plot, but it’s got some funny moments here and there. basically, kate (witherspoon) and brad (vaughn) LOVE avoiding their families at christmastime. they go through crazy lengths to come up with elaborate lies i.e. inoculating babies in burma or participating in a third-world country to build homes for one-eyed children, just so they can avoid spending christmas with their respective families. of course, their true plan is to go off to some exotic paradise i.e. fiji, the caribbean, etc., but their plans fall through when their flight is cancelled due to excessive fog in the san francisco area. thus, kate and brad have no choice, BUT to go visit their families thanks to an impromptu interview by a nosy TV reporter at the airport…


i think i would have liked this movie more if they concentrated on the quirkiness of the four parents and siblings, rather than focusing on kate and brad’s problems in their relationship. comeon! more screen time for robert duvall as brad’s alcoholic/hick father and sissy spacek as brad’s hippie mother! even mary steenburgen as kate’s cougarlicious/horny/in love with pastor phil mother is hilarious! by far the funniest moment was when vince vaughn was describing his performance as joseph in pastor phil’s reenactment of the nativity story as feeling like celine dion after a vegas show…

oh, silly vince vaughn… :P

Thursday, December 23, 2010

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED
2 out of 5 stars

for a thriller… i felt that this one felt a bit short, hence the 2 star rating. the whole ransom and kidnapping situation is a great premise for a great heist AND thriller, but doesn’t it mean in order for a movie to be an actual thriller… it should have some plot twists and a unpredictable storyline? just a thought… ;)



the film starts out with two guys, who refurnish an apartment with sound-proof panels, buy deadbolts and locks for the doors, rope, handcuffs, guns, and disposable cellphones. as it turns out, they’re planning the kidnapping of young heiress, alice creed. they put her in a van, drag her ass to the prison-like apt, strip off her clothes to take pics of her degraded and then send them to her father in exchange for ransom $. it’s a very grim and tense situation, but these two guys are professionals at this. (well, one of them is) so, the question is A) will the kidnappers get what they’re asking for B) will alice escape? C) will alice even live through this nightmare? well, i won’t give away any spoilers, but let’s just say that one of the kidnappers and alice share a past which makes things “complicated”…


the problem i had with this is that i would have liked to have known alice’s backstory as well as the kidnappers. they only verbally mention their past(s), but i would have liked to have seen it though… the acting is actually quite good, but the story falls a bit short…for a thriller. (like i said before) also, there’s a “wrench” that gets thrown in the story, but instead of a “oh, didn’t see that one coming…” factor, it’s more of a “oww! what?! why?!” factor. plus, the ending is sort of lame too… as much as i don’t like mel gibson (raging alcoholic or not), his ransom movie was a whole lot better than this. comeon, brits! i expect higher quality storylines from you… ::shakes fist::

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

SEX AND THE CITY 2
3 out of 5 stars

OK, i admit that i am in fact a girl, and as a girl, i really ENJOYED this one… plus, after a two-year hiatus from the first movie and almost a six-year hiatus from when the show finally ended, i truly missed these girls and their respective personalities! ;)



we had left the first movie with carrie bradshaw and mr. big AKA john james preston marrying in a NYC courthouse due to the fact that mr. big got cold feet @ their real/planned wedding. well, they’re happily married now, and everyone is just as equally as happy as they are. charlotte and harry are raising two beautiful vietnamese girls whom they’ve adopted, miranda and steve are raising their child brady together, and samantha… still the same old samantha! things first start off with the most fabulous wedding of the year: stanford and anthony’s WEDDING in connecticut! (for non-SATC ppl: that’s carrie’s gay friend/model manager stanford and charlotte’s uber-queen of the wedding planners anthony) the wedding is AWESOME as there is an all-men’s choir, swans, an ice sculpture wedding cake, and LIZA MINELLI performing the service AS WELL AS singing her rendition of beyonce’s hit “single ladies”!!! (that’s pretty much the good stuff…) pretty soon after coming back from such fun, carrie begins to feel restless about her marriage with big, and then, an all-expense trip to the decadent abu-dhabi falls into their laps…


word to the wise: this movie is LONG. in fact, it sort of feels like 2 extra-long episodes of SATC all over again. (part 1: gay wedding; part 2: the random abu dhabi trip) but it’s the characters that save this one: samantha is definitely my favorite girl, and it’s fun to watch her go through “menopause” HER way w/ all the creams, pills, hormone crap she can find in the world. carrie just whines a lot, and miranda can be a real bitch at times because she’s sooo type-A. charlotte is the sweetheart, and i LOVE her soooo much b/c of that quality. she is so innocent and cute! (even when she falls off a camel) even the guys are great. when will i ever meet my mr. big? chris noth, you are one suave man… sigh…could we, normal ppl, ever live like this? uhh…probably not, but hey! a girl can dream, can she? ;)

Friday, December 17, 2010

JONAH HEX
1 out of 5 stars

this had got to be the worst adaption to a DC comic hero i've ever seen... i wasn't really sure where they were going with it. were you going for a more graphic novel approach (otherwise not stylized enough) or straight-up balls-to-the-wall action (otherwise not enough action)? :/


if you want to know: jonah hex (played by a grossed out josh broslin) is a bounty hunter, who used to be a confederate soldier. he had turned on his comrades during the civil war, and killed his best friend AND son of general turnbull. so to exact revenge, turnbull (john malkovich in his most disappointing role) kills jonah's wife and son in a housefire, and makes jonah watch... to make matters worse, he brands jonah with a QT iron (QT stands for quentin turnbull). somehow-someway (this is the part that doesn't make sense), jonah dies? we never know the reason why, but he's resurrected by the native american indians who live around the corner from him. not really sure what compelled the indians to resurrect his spirit, but they do, and jonah basically comes back all hellbent on revenge! yee-haw!

do you want to learn more? well, jonah is then recruited by the union/president grant to stop ex-general turnbull from basically nuking the united states of america. duedate: independence day. how poetic... throw in megan fox as the sexy babe sidekick, and you get this literal trainwreck. (i say that b/c there's also a trainwreck in the movie) i can see where they were going with spirits and the idea of hell and learning how to talk to dead ppl and native american indians and their magical potions, but... the story just doesn't flesh itself out to allow us to understand what's going on with this character jonah. it's very choppy, the dialogue sucks, and biggest grip: WTH IS JOSH BROLIN SAYING?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE WORD YOU SAYIN'... i blame it on the prosthetic... :(

p.s. OMG i couldn't believe michael fassbender was in this! he's the only redeemable character BTW... :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

THE RUNAWAYS
3 out of 5 stars

this was better than i expected it to be! (or at least expected from the trailer) the whole movie feels like one long music video...figures as it was directed by floria sigismondi, famed italian music video director! plus, the rockin' soundtrack of the runaways and joan jett really make it worthwhile! ;)


kristen stewart chops up her hair into the signature joan jett haircut to play the bad-ass joan jett. but we are first introduced to cherie currie (dakota fanning), who later becomes the lead singer of the runaways. cherie is this david bowie lovin' brigitte bardot lookin' 16 year old girl, and immediately gets picked up by record producer kim fowley (michael shannon- doing a pretty good job as one) at the local hipster club. but it wasn't cherie nor kim who came up with the idea of an all-girl rock band. it was actually joan... BEST scene is when joan and kim are figuring out the music/lyrics to cherry bomb with cherie listening in outside their trailer rehearsal "studio". so, the runaways rocket to stardom (esp. in japan), but drugs obviously get in the way. hey, it was the 70s! (and these girls were musicians!)

i know this movie is based on the book cherie currie wrote, but honestly, i would have liked it to have have joan be the center of attention! usually kristen stewart is considered the kiss of death to all her movies, but she was actually the better actress than dakota... both are equally depicted in the movie, but joan jett seemed to have more to her life story than cherie... like i said, the soundtrack is AWESOME and the scenes using said songs are well presented. pretty good for a biopic! (of course, not as great as ray though!)

p.s. do we know of any more biopics coming out soon? it's always great to see hollywood-ized versions of musician lives... ;)

Monday, December 13, 2010

THE LAST AIRBENDER
2 out of 5 stars

m. night shamaylan, you DISAPPOINT me once more… when will you bring out the awesomeness that you did with your movie magic in sixth sense and unbreakable? sure, the trailer looked AWESOME, but this one gets filed along with dragon ball: evolution. ANIMEMOVIEADAPATION FAIL… :/


as you can probably guess from the title, this movie was the hollywood (or more like bollywood since it featured a ton of indian actors) adaption of the anime series, avatar: the last airbender. but, james cameron already took the rights to a little film called avatar, so they had to change the name for this guy... basically, the story is about a little boy who is an avatar, which is sort of like a dalai lama/buddha being who gets reincarnated every 100 years or so, and can bring “balance” to the world by his ability to manipulate all the natural elements. (i.e. air, water, earth, fire) he’s sort of like a god, i guess? but he can’t really hurt people, so he’s got a jesus side to him too! anyway, he’s being hunted by the fire tribe because the fire lord wants total domination of the world, and thinks that the avatar will prevent him from his conquests. his son is prince zuko (played by jamal from slumdog millionaire!), and he can’t return home until he finds this avatar… too bad two kids from the water tribe find him first, and watch for his eyes all glowing in that frozen sphere! (freaky…)

was the script written by a bunch of 2nd graders? because it’s incredibly choppy, awful dialogue, and seriously… was this script written by a bunch of 2nd graders? special effects get an A+ for obvious reasons, and it’s actually done quite well. it’s a very fantastical story yet there’s a lot of martial arts too. although i think my favorite scene is when the princess from the northern water kingdom has to make the ultimate sacrifice… (it’s done very beautifully a la style of lady in the water) LOL the guy who plays the older brother/hero is one awful actor, and when i looked up his creds on IMDB, i found out he was the same dude who played jasper in twilight. someone please tell him this isn’t a vampire movie? :P

Friday, December 10, 2010

‎GET HIM TO THE GREEK
2 out of 5 stars

"when life hands you a jeffrey, stroke a furry wall." - aldous snow


another DISAPPOINTING flick from the ppl who brought us 40 year old virgin and obviously forgetting sarah marshall. i LOVED forgetting sarah marshall... i just don't understand why they didn't bring back jason segel and mila kunis and paul rudd for this? :/

if you've seen sarah marshall, you know all about the british rock superstar/junkie/sex addict/crazy person ALDOUS SNOW. (russell brand) aldous snow's career tanks after releasing a hilarious yet controversial song called "african child", after music critics call it the worst thing that could happen to africa since apartheid. (LOL!) so, upon a 3 year hiatus and a separation from his hottie model/pop singer GF, jackie Q (played hilariously by rose byrne), aldous has been invited to play @ the greek theatre in los angeles. the only problem is getting him there... that's where record company intern aaron comes into play! (jonah hill) he's ordered by a HILARIOUS sean combs AKA diddy to accompany the crazy rockstar on his journey to NYC and los angeles...with a pit stop in vegas to visit dad! (of course!)

let's cut to the chase here...BEST scenes: the furry wall stroking/smokin' the jeffrey in aldous's LV suite; the anal heroin balloon scene @ JFK airport; the first night of partying w/ aldous in london- done true rockstar style; the african child music video; sarah marshall's cameo; and ALL of p. diddy's scenes! russell brand is really funny and fitting in the role of aldous for obvious reasons, and quite frankly, this movie should have just been about him... (cut out the fat kid, please) and secondly, why didn't jonah hill just reprise his role as matthew the eager waiter??? thus, movie spinoff FAIL... comeon, judd apatow! if it worked in sarah marshall, stick wit it, ya? :P

Thursday, December 9, 2010

CENTURION
3 out of 5 stars

"my name is quintus dias, i am a soldier of rome, and this neither the beginning nor the end of my story."


an interesting tale about one man named quintas dias (played by michael fassbender- remember him from QT's inglorious basterds?), who survives a brutal attack on a roman frontier post. he is then captured by the picts (i'm guessing they were the nomads living in what is today britain), but he ESCAPES! it's not soon before the ninth legion, lead by general virilus (dominic west in ANOTHER greco-roman film) comes to his aid... quintas joins the ninth, and on their way to invade the picts once more, they're ambushed by the picts (very clever warriors), and they basically destroy the legion in one epic slaughter. quintas ends up in a ditch underneath a pile of rotting bodies, but is saved by a couple of surviving soldiers who want to rescue their captured general. thus, mission "rescue general" is born! (they invade the pict base camp in true halo black ops mode)

the violence in this is pretty brutal, and sometimes it'll catch you off guard... lots of blood, guts, grossness, but it's a good action movie nonetheless! (this will remind you plenty of halo or splinter cell esp. the way these soldiers fight in the dark) olga kurylenko (the bond girl from quantum of solace) proves us yet again that she can't act b/c she got handed a non-speaking role as a mute pict warrior... i couldn't help myself, but compare this to gladiator but this falls far short because the battle sequence is so-so and the main antagonist (olga) is lame... however, it's good to see roman soldiers fighting in a different environment rather than in a collosium or somewhere in germany. or i guess it would be germania? ;)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS
4 out of 5 stars

flynt: "so... what do you guys want for breakfast?"

steve the monkey: "GUMMI BEARS!"

LOL i went into this movie thinking it would be just so-so, but i ended up liking it very much! plus...appropriate for a holiday watch, doncha think? ;)

if you've ever read the classic children's tale of the same title, you'll know that it's about food that rains from the sky. there's more to this story though: flynt lockwood has been obsessed with inventing his whole life, ever since he was a lil' kid. (he invented the spray-on shoe to save his classmates from the untied shoe epidemic! problem: they don't come off...) seems like every invention he comes up with, there's a backlash of some sorts. so when flynt actually SUCCESSFULLY activates his raincloud food generator machine, delicious cheeseburgers come flying down from the sky! his hometown of swallow falls LOVES flynt for the first time, but as they keep making more and more requests from the machine, the food keeps getting bigger and BIGGER and BIGGER...

this one tells a great story about the consequences of altering one's environment as well as keeping up your dream, no matter how crazy it seems. yes, it is animation, but it's done quite well. i LOVE the happy colors and animated food, plus steve the monkey is my favorite character! (he's this talking monkey that's got a thought translator attached to him...another one of flynt's crazy inventions) i would have liked to see this one in 3D since there's so much movement esp. with the food falling from the sky! ain't nothin' wrong with that... ;)

p.s. GREAT old school animation sequence for the end credit! (a la style of school house rock...LOVES it!)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS:
THE LIGHTNING THIEF
2 out of 5 stars

i can't help but think of this movie as a cheap knockoff of the harry potter series... i mean, think about it! there's a boy (about the same age as harry in book 1) who finds out he's half-supernatural something, and ends up in a school/camp that's like a greco-roman version of hogwarts. the only problem is that the story isn't as exciting as the HP series... :/


i've heard that the books by rick riodan are actually pretty good, so hollywood fucked things up again w/ their film "adaption". basically, percy is the main protagonist who discovers that he is the son of the greek god poseidon after he's attacked by a fury disguised as his english teacher on a class field trip to the met. turns out that someone has stolen zeus's lightning bolt, and zeus blames percy for the theft. of course, percy is totally innocent, but he is then ushered to a place called "camp halfblood" where he learns some fighting skillz as well as befriends a pretty girl named annabeth. (daughter of athena- goddess of wisdom) of course, this is a greek story afterall, so there's an odyssey-type adventure where percy and his friends come across medusa, a hydra, as well as the lotus eaters. (the last one was a clever modern adaption tho...)

there were some good hollywood names attached to this one i.e. pierce brosnan as the dumbledorf equiv., rosario dawson as persephone (wife of hades), and even uma thurman as a convincing medusa. it tells a good adventure, but the ending/revelation of the actual lightning thief is really lame. in fact, i don't understand why hollywood didn't just stick with the book! do i think this will be a multi-part movie series? probably not... even if, i wouldn't see it. this one may be a fun adventure for little kids (maybe 5-10), but i'd rather stick with my brits in harry potter or watch clash of the titans again... and i mean the 2010 version! :P (which wasn't that great BTW)

p.s. speaking of multi-part movies based on a book series: CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: DAWN TREADER...IN THEATERS SOON! GET EXCITED! :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

THE KARATE KID
3 out of 5 stars

when i first heard about this project through IMDB.com in 2007, i scoffed @ the fact that will and jada pinkett smith were actually going to move forward with this idea of a remake of the classic karate kid. then, i scoffed even some more when i heard jackie chan wanted to star as mr. miyagi or the miyagi equivalent. well, i have to say…i was wrong! i actually enjoyed this, and it tells us a good story… ;)


dre parker (jaden smith), age 12, moves to china from detroit after his mother gets transferred to the chinese branch of the car factory she works at. xiao (it means little in chinese) dre is cute, funny, and definitely considered an outsider when a group of kids in the neighborhood decide to beat his little butt with some rudimentary kung fu. it’s only a matter of time when mr. han (jackie chan) decides to step in, and help out xiao dre by teaching him how to defend himself and allowing him to learn REAL kung fu. thus, xiao dre starts his quest to becoming a kung fu “jedi” by learning to condition himself, strength, the idea of chi (the essence of being), and even love…

nothing out of the ordinary esp. with the plot, but it’s still a sweet story told through the eyes of dre as well as mr. han. (we even get a back story to why mr. han has a broken car in his living room) jaden smith is a cute kid, and he sure inherited the smartass mouth of his dad. (think will smith circa fresh prince) jackie chan is a great kung fu master and teacher, and i thought it was great seeing him in a non-action role like this one. it’s time he passed on his knowledge, right? but the best moment is when dre calls mr. han his best friend the night before the grand tournament… go ahead, shed a tear… ;)

Friday, December 3, 2010

‎IRON MAN 2
4 out of 5 stars

"i have successfully privatized world peace." - tony stark


well, i have to say for the sequel to iron man, which i thoroughly enjoyed... this kept the momentum and energy of the first one going strong! :) (esp. with new cast members i.e. black widow and ivan vanko AKA whiplash)

if you haven't seen iron man, i highly recommend that you do ASAP! this sequel picks up exactly where we left off: tony stark revealing to the world that he is indeed IRON MAN. unlike batman or superman, he has NO problem whatsoever to the general public knowing his full identity. afterall...what's the point of being a superhero if you can't take the credit, right? so, after assuring the u.s. govt and the world that no one else possesses his technology, halfway across the globe, ivan vanko (mickey rouke with a convincingly scary russian accent) produces the same ARC reactor core the iron man suit uses for fuel... so when whiplash emerges with a bang @ the monte carlo grand prix, iron man is in for a major surprise! (probably the best scene in the entire movie, IMO) this wouldn't be a superhero movie w/o another villian. justin hammer (sam rockwell) emerges as tony's rival as a fellow defense contractor, and they team up to take down iron man. or should i say, so they think they can... ;)

RDJ is just awesome as the narcissistic, ego-maniac tony stark, and his continuous bickering with assistant/now CEO of stark industries pepper potts is priceless... (just like he was in the first movie) i think what makes this movie GREAT is sam rockwell as justin hammer, tony stark's competitor AND mickey rourke. however, this one committed a spiderman 3, where there just were too many characters involved in the storyline. we really could have done it w/o the black widow (scarlett johansson), but i guess they felt like they needed an "insider" @ stark industries to keep an eye on tony.? (whatevs...) but BIG KUDOS to mickey rourke who turns himself into a convincing angry russian with a vengeance down to the greasy hair and prison tats! mick, you make this one worthwhile... ;)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

ROBIN HOOD
3 out of 5 stars

‎"rise and rise again until lambs become lions." - unknown


you can't help but think of this as gladiator: the medieval version. (because IT IS.) russell crowe stars as the titular character robin hood, but keep in mind that this is a sort of a prequel to the legend we're all familiar with. you know, the one where robin hood is constantly outwitting the bad guys i.e. king john and the sheriff of nottingham! the whole "rob the rich, give back to the poor" scenario! well, that may be what robin hood's legend is known for, but this is not about that... :/

essentially, robin longstride BEFORE he was nicknamed robin of the hood is just an archer in king richard's army. he's not even an outlaw just yet... so when king richard is killed in the line of battle, robin and his merry men decide to bolt. little do they know, the king's crown ends up in their hands when they come across an ambush with dying robert loxley. (the french were trying to assassinate the king...too bad, he's already dead) so, robin is told by the dying sir loxley to return his sword to his father, and robin reluctantly does so. medieval identify theft comes into play, and robin longstride becomes robert loxley...

this is TOTALLY different from the kevin costner & jeremy irons version... that one focused more on robin and the sheriff, where this is more about the king of france (philip), the king of england (john), and the northern barons threatening to go against the crown for unfair taxes. as much as i LOVE mark strong, he totally steals the show from the other allstars! russell crowe just reprises as maximus...err, i mean general hood, cate blanchett makes a brilliant/strong-willed marion, and almost-unrecognizable matthew mcfayden (remember him from pillars of the earth?) barely gets any screen time! i'm sorry...but i want kevin costner robin hood version back! if i wanted to watch a historical drama, i would have just watched elizabeth... :P

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

HAIRSPRAY
5 out of 5 stars

edna turnblad: [singing] you can't stop my happiness, 'cuz i like the way i am. and you just can't stop my knife and fork when i see a Christmas ham! and if you don't like the way i look, then i just don't give a damn!


probably known as the 2007 GAY FAVE MOVIE OF THE YEAR, just b/c of zac efron! (i mean, does it really come as a surprise?) LOVED this movie, as i sang along to ALL the numbers... ;)

we start off in baltimore, 1962! (good morning, baltimore!) tracy turnblad is a plump yet perky high school girl who cares about nothing but the corny collins show. she and her BFF penny (amanda bynes in pigtails) watch the show everyday, and she's in love with link larkin (zac efron doing his best young elvis impersonation), one of the stars on the show. her mother, edna (john travolta is his BEST role YET!) is a laundress and completely opposed to the fact tracy listens and dances to this so-called "music." so when tracy impresses corny collins into getting her a spot on the show, edna is shocked... (along with the racist station manager velma von tussle AKA skinny bitch michelle pfeiffer) everyone is even more shocked when tracy blabs on TV that she's for integration (since baltimore is still racially divided then), and the songs just take you on a musical trip to a GRAND finale!

two words make this movie AWESOME: JOHN TRAVOLTA. i don't think i've ever seen him have this much fun in a role since grease! he sure knows how to move in that 30 lb. fat suit as well as move like a LADY... everyone else seems to feed off of that energy b/c james marden, christopher walken, even queen latifah get into the spirit of the music and put on quite a show! BEST SCENES: ALL the numbers esp. edna, corny collins, link larkin, and motormouth maybelle, the big finale @ the end (you can't stop the BEEEAT!), lil' arnez, detention (dance) hall, and jerry stiller as mr. pinky! even if you weren't into the singing/dancing, just watch this for the allstar cast from hollywood teenage wetdream heaven come to life... :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

BURLESQUE
3 out of 5 stars

if there was ever an award for GAY FAVE MOVIE OF THE YEAR...this one takes it! why? do i even have to state the obvious i.e. it's got cher, xtina, AND a fiesty stanley tucci! (AND...alan cumming dancing burlesque) plus, i have never seen that many gays in one movie theater in my life... :P


plot-wise, this is a mashup of chicago the musical, showgirls, and moulin rouge. you really want to know...read on: starry-eyed ali (xtina) packs her bags for the city of angels AKA los angeles, and starts looking for work. she comes across an old-school burlesque lounge located in the dead center of sunset blvd., and immediately becomes infatuated with the music. (plus greeted by a sassy alan cumming @ the front door) she starts asking questions about work, and introduces herself to tess (cher) who immediately dismisses her. ali ultimately gets her big break when jealous rival nicki (kristen bell) unplugs the musical track to one of their numbers on stage... from there, xtina lets it ALL out... ;)

like i said, this has the musical qualities of chicago, the rivalry of showgirls, and almost the exact same problem/plot of moulin rouge. (esp. the part re: finance) add in some burlesque + pop melodies, and you get this movie! the music alone is AWESOME. (i soooo want the soundtrack!) acting...cher and xtina just play themselves so stanley tucci makes it up tremendouly for all the witty quips, sass, and all-around wonderful gay BFF for cher's character tess. BEST scenes: ALL of xtina's wonderful burlesque numbers, the pajama scene w/ jack, the wedding dance between tess and shawn, ALL of stanley tucci's scenes, and might i mention that cam gigadet is mr. yummy hottness? i think whether you're a gay or a straight (lady), you'll enjoy this one... ;)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

HACHI: A DOG'S TALE
4 out of 5 stars

OMG. every dog owner or anyone who's ever owned a dog needs to watch this movie ASAP! probably one of the best dog movies i've ever seen, and the story is sooooo touching... :)


based on a true story about an akita (japanese hunting dog) whose loyalty and devotion to his owner lasts for a lifetime... the movie starts with hachi the akita puppy traveling via plane and train to get to his new owner from the mountains of japan. his crate/kennel breaks, and hachi the puppy escapes, only to be found by prof. parker wilson (the fab richard gere), professor of music at some university. he travels via train (the real kind) to work, and he is now stuck w/ this cute lil' puppy. his wife (joan allen- pretty much playing herself) is opposed to the idea of caring for a puppy, esp. one that'll grow up to be ginormous, but eventually she realizes the love between hachi and parker... even the daughter loves hachi, and they decide to keep him. years go by, and hachi always follows parker to work, where he leaves via train to go to work. he knows that his master arrives @ exactly 5pm everyday, so he waits for parker's arrival. tragedy strikes in the form of a heart attack, but hachi continues on to keep a regular vigil for parker. (that's when the waterworks start...)

a beautiful portrait of a beautiful dog w/ even beautiful music accompanying it! what's not to like about hachi the puppy's lil' face? ADORABLEZ! (i can't help but "aww" throughout this) i think it's also great that the director decided to film certain shots in monochrome...just like a dog would see the world. (certainly putting an emphasis that this is hachi's perspective of the story) a very sweet and moving movie about the power of canine loyalty to its master and the special bond between man and man's best friend. in this case, you really see why dogs are called just that... ;)

Friday, November 19, 2010

DATE NIGHT
2 out of 5 stars

this was such a disappointment! this just goes to show that steve carell and tina fey should just stick with their respective roles as michael scott and liz lemon because i'm not sure they're good as anything else other than those characters... :/


basically: phil (carell) and claire (fey) are a simple/boring couple living in suburban NJ. every week they go out for date night to their neighborhood steakhouse, and eat their salmon and potato skins as their date night meal. their kids are left with the babysitter (gossip girl's blair), and it's shampoo/rinse/repeat for them... after hearing about their friends' soon-to-be divorce, phil decides to take claire out to the hippest hot spot in new york city called CLAW to spice things up. unfortunately, the place is sooooo hott that they don't take walk-ins, and are basically treated like NYC's trash from the very get-go. thus, phil comes up with the idea of stealing another couple's reservation, and trouble follows in the form of common (the rapper) trying to recover a lost flash drive AKA computer sticky thing...

i'll tell ya: the entire movie is basically the trailer. there's really nothing new except for the hilarious pole-dancing towards the very end. everything else, just watch the trailer! james franco and mila kunis are very funny as the "tripplehorns", as well as mark wahlberg trying to keep a straight face as hottie/shirtless private security expert holbrooke grant. james and mila have such small roles, but i wanted more from them b/c it looked like they were having more fun than steve and tina. hollywood, take note! ;)

Monday, November 15, 2010

BROOKLYN'S FINEST
1 out of 5 stars

brooklyn's finest? well, it's more like hollywood's worst! even the great richard gere AND don cheadle couldn't save this one from failure... :/


this is a movie where hollywood needs to take a lesson in PLOT DEVELOPMENT and a CLEAR STORYLINE because there is a severe deficit in BOTH. it's really just vignettes about 3 NYPD policemen: 1) richard gere's character eddie: the soon-to-be-retired beat cop who just wants to retire and no longer cares about the job 2) ethan hawke's character sal: the desperate/corrupt raid cop whose got way too many kids and a pregnant wife and seriously strapped for cash for a new home 3) don cheadle's character tango: the undercover posing as a serious drug dealer in a brooklyn project and faced with the dilemma of turning on his BFF casanova (wesley snipes). none of the characters really interact with each other, and the entire movie focuses on how each character deals with their lives/work situations.

i thought because this was another work from antoine fuqua, the director of training day, that this would have some potential. it doesn't... in fact, there are times when i wanted to turn this shit off and watch training day again. richard gere and don cheadle are respectively GREAT in their own roles, but that's about all. we could have had a movie with just the two of them, so that should say a lot about ethan hawke's character...or lack there of? oh, ethan... you were so good in training day! what happened to you, man? :/

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

THE OXFORD MURDERS
2 out of 5 stars

i decided to give this movie a try since the subject matter of the movie seemed interesting. umm... it was a good try, but for a thriller, this could have done better, IMHO... :/


of course, the murders/story all take place @ oxford university. american grad student martin (elijah wood) moves in at the eagleton house on oxford's campus to study with the great prof. arthur seldom. (john hurt in a great/mysterious role) things go from bad to worse when martin is humiliated at a lecture given by prof. seldom as well as finding out that prof. seldom doesn't take mentees including doctorate students. martin befriends his land lady named mrs. eagleton, who was good friends with the famous alan turing. (famous for decoding the enigma code during WWII- eventually beat the nazis) he also befriends mrs. eagleton's musician daughter/cellist, who seems to hate her mother... both martin and prof. seldom stumble upon mrs. eagleton's dead body one rainy afternoon, and her death seems to be the first of a string of murders centering around logic and cryptic symbols.

this was a lame version of da vinci code. you have cryptic mathematical symbols and a "code" that prof. seldom and martin are trying to figure out, but unlike da vinci code, it's not as riveting/captivating/thrilling... the oxford murders were written by a argentine author and mathematician guillermo martinez, and it sure references a ton of mathematical principles and famous theorems. i think what bothered me most about this is the fact that martin's character was highly under-developed and he just "happened" to know all the right answers. i feel like we knew nothing of martin, wheras we we knew a ton of prof. seldom. (that just goes to show that elijah wood should just stick with LOTR and LOTR-related movies) despite all this, i do have a feeling that we might see the argentines or the spanish filmmakers out there tackling this intriguing story again for us. guillermo del toro or alfonso cuaron, you two listening? ;)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE
4 out of 5 stars

jack: you're a moodle.

kirk: a moodle?
jack: a man poodle. girls, they wanna take you out on a walk. they wanna feed you, they wanna cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle.
stainer: NO ONE would EVER fuck a moodle.

OMG this movie is hilarious! the conversations between kirk (the main protagonist) and his work friends stainer (TSA security guard), jack (tarmac worker/plane mechanic) and devon (airline ticketing agent) are priceless... :P

kirk (jay baruchel AKA the sorcerer's apprentice) is just your average skinny white guy working as a TSA agent @ the pittsburgh intl airport. so when super-hottie molly (alice eve) boards a plane to JFK for an event-planning gig, kirk can't believe his eyes! molly accidentally leaves her iphone in one of those grey security bins, and kirk decides to return it to her when she gets back into town. she invites him to another event gig @ the andy warhol museum, and thus...sparks fly! (or, devon would say: when prince aladdin meets jasmine and the andy warhol museum is the palace...LOL!) things are going great for kirk and molly, except for the fact that all his friends as well as molly's friends think that their relationship won't work due to the fact that he's a 5 and she's a hard 10. but will that matter in the end? why don't you find out for yourself... ;)

the premise/story of this movie isn't all that complicated, but the script is very VERY well-written! A+ for the good screenwriting with interesting/humorous characters i.e. kirk, kirk's family, kirk's friends, and even molly is well-developed. kirk's family dynamic is CRAZY shit (OMG slap shot regatta!) but all the more humorous... however, i didn't really understand how/why marnie (kirk's ex) was a "part" of his family...? it looked like this one was shot on location, which adds "authenticity" to the story AKA the penguins game, the airport, the dates around pittsburgh, even down to the food! (AKA hamburgers served with french fries on top!) overall, GREAT movie and GREAT dialogue... ;)

Monday, November 1, 2010

THE MACHINIST
4 out of 5 stars

i don't know what's more scarier: the creepiness of this movie or the fact that christian bale lost more than 120 lbs. to portray the skeletal character, trevor reznik AKA the main protagonist in this... :P



so, who is trevor reznik? he's an... industrial machine operator, and he hasn't slept in a year... in fact, his insomnia is soooo bad that it's affecting his health as well as his mental state. he's in a so-called "relationship" with a call girl named stevie, and even she is concerned about trevor's weight problem. (there's one scene where he flexes his "muscles" and it's a sight that will make one flinch!) one day, he goes out on a smoke break outside of the factory, and finds a strange new guy chatting away. he finds out that he's a new guy working @ the factory, and his name is ivan. of course, things go from weird to worse when upon a moment of distraction, trevor causes a machine to turn on and it severs off his co-worker's arm! purely an accident, but an accident caused by trevor, nonetheless... his mind really starts to go bonkers when he finds cryptic puzzling post-its on his fridge with a hang-man game and 6 little lines for the 6 missing letters...


an interesting storyline about how one man struggles to block out the truth to who he is, and i love how it's done in a film-noir-ish style. i'm not too familiar with brad anderson (the director)'s work, but given this film...i really like it, and would want to see other stuff by him. (FYI: he directs FRINGE...that sci-fi show on fox!) christian bale went through extremes to create trevor reznik and boy....does it show through the weight loss, the craziness and his acting. he really makes this film GOOD. guilt really fucks this guy over, and it sure takes you on one hell of a ride with the mystery of trevor reznik... ;)

Friday, October 29, 2010

THE COLLECTOR
2 out of 5 stars

another movie to add into the torture-porn sub categorization of the horror movie genre! this one was a dud in some sense, but extra points for good cinematography! ;)



arkin (josh stewart…AKA the movie star that hooks up with courtney cox on dirt) is your average window and door repairman. little do his marks know that he’s a jewelry thief in disguise! he cases one particular home inhabitated by michael chase, a jewelry broker, and has intel on a rare diamond stored in his vault. so, arkin decides to break into the house one night, but then realizes someone has already brutually tortured michael and his wife, their little girl hannah is missing, and that this someone is known as “the collector” who likes to keep one particular person in a big red box. (very sadistic…) this collector has also set up traps ALL OVER the house i.e. open bear traps all over the dining room; the fish-hook laundry room; the acidic floor in another daughter’s room; even pins sticking out of the ear piece if someone were to pick up a phone! this guy has thought of EVERYTHING… there’s no way out. well, arkin decides to put that to the test…


my favorite parts of this movie are the traps, just like in the saw movies. they’re simple yet well thought-out. the parts i hated was the storyline and lack there of. who is the collector, and why does he collect people? why did he target the chase family? what is the meaning of the collection? NONE of these questions are addressed, and so this movie becomes another dud. it’s quite unfortunate because it had the potential of becoming something creepy/scary AND good… the cinematography is actually quite good, as the film shows different perspectives of arkin’s POV as well as the collector’s POV and sometimes both by showing an angle shot from the roof’s POV! (something rarely done)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE
4 out of 5 stars

i absolutely LOVED the girl with the dragon tattoo due to the mystery element and thrilling nature of the film, but this one sort of fell short to me… there’s still the over-arching mystery, but it’s all about uncovering lisbeth’s past and the person setting her up for a triple murder homicide! :0


it’s a juicy story, but like i said: it’s not as good as the first film. anyway, this film starts out with lisbeth vacationing in the caribbean and basically where we left off with the first book/film. she heads back to homeland sweden, where she hacks into mikael blomkvist’s computer again to see what kind of story he’s working on. turns out he’s working with a young journalist by the name of dag svensson on a human sex trafficking case… dag had been busy collecting evidence and confronting the johns who use this prostitution ring, and it’s interesting that most of the clientele of this ring are high-ranking swedish govt officials. but then, dag and his GF mia are murdered in their apt with the gun that was owned by nils bjurman, lisbeth’s court-appointed guardian. (remember him from the first movie?) it looks REALLY bad for lisbeth when forensic evidence shows that her fingerprints are found on the murder weapon… it looks even WORSE when nils bjurman is found dead in his apt too… thus, another mystery to solve for mikael (who believes lisbeth is innocent) and lisbeth (who is desperate to finding out the truth)!

i think the mystery in the first film was much more complex and well-told than this second film because it was a true mystery. the mystery in this one is more about uncovering lisbeth’s past, and i felt like it was somewhat predictable… (still well-told nonetheless) lisbeth is such a complex character with such a badass exterior…watch the scene where she beats up two ruthless bikers in the swedish countryside! it’s even awesome yet disturbing that @ the age of 12, she threw a fire bomb at her rapist dad for assaulting her mother… bad-ass, indeed!

p.s. can’t wait to find out what happens next in girl who kicked the hornet’s nest! ;)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

PEACOCK
2 out of 5 stars

hmm… i’m wondering if it wasn’t that obvious that john and emma were the same person? (or cillian murphy in drag) this “psychological thriller” wasn’t that thrilling, and didn’t do us justice explaining why john skillpa (the main character) was the way he was… i expected better with an all-star cast! :/


from the very get-go, you are introduced to john skillpa, a quiet/shy bank clerk living in the small nebraska town of peacock. every morning, “emma” (his alter-ego and “wife”) does his house chores, cooks his breakfast of bacon + toast + fried eggs, leaves him notes around the house with reminders, and even leaves dinner for him in the fridge for when he comes home. the thing with multiple personality disorder is that john has no recollection that emma has done all this… in fact, he seems to have no recollection of emma’s behavior/actions that get him into hot water when the mayor wants to do a public rally in his backyard, thus exposing his secret. he gets into even more hot water, when maggie (ellen page), a waitress/hooker from his past, begins to ask for money to support their son and herself. hint: maggie ends up being the missing link between john and his abusive mother… (i’ll leave it @ that…)

i have to hand it to cillian murphy, who does a great playing both roles of john and emma. both personalities are polar-opposites, and he does a good job balancing both roles. ellen page, on the other hand, should just stick with the awkward coming-of-age comedies because i think her dramatic roles aren’t dramatic enough… like i said, it’s not really psychologically thrilling enough because the movie already tells you john’s secret from the very start, nor does it expose layers of the story like a REAL psycho thriller would. i think it’s a good premise but a little bit too linear in terms of plot for my tastes…

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

CHLOE
1 out of 5 stars

idk… anyone who is married to julianne moore and decides to cheat on her is stupid and also BLIND! she’s so gorgeous… thus, the whole premise of this movie baffles me. :P



so, the question becomes…who is chloe? well, she’s a call girl who roams swanky hotel restaurants and hotel bars for her next “client”, and she catches the eye of julianne moore’s character, dr. catherine stewart, who suspects her husband (the GREAT liam neeson) of cheating on her. we should put a big emphasis on “she thinks” he’s cheating because she finds a picture of david and one of his music students on his iphone with the message “thanks for a great time last night”. that and the fact that he purposefully missed his flight from NYC to do so. suspicious minds, n’-est-ce pas? thus, this leads to catherine hiring chloe to seduce david, and the results are ehh…


nothing really happens in this movie, esp. since they marketed it like chloe was going to be another young glenn close in fatal attraction or something. she’s NOT. it’s more in the style of that affair movie unfaithful with richard gere and diane lane, esp. the cinematography and the beautiful contemporary home featured in this. the problem with this one is not as dramatic nor sexually tense as unfaithful. plus, unfaithful had hott french actor olivier martinez! (halle berry’s new boo) i was expecting a lot more from veteran actors julianne moore and liam neeson, but this one just went limp... :/

Monday, October 25, 2010

SAW VI
2 out of 5 stars


ya know... i wouldn't have expected anything less, esp. since it is a SAW movie afterall. you've got the gore, the flashbacks, and even CRAZIER traps for all of jigsaw's victims in his 6th movie about determining those who live or die. you know we're getting close to HALLOWEEN when you've got to watch a SAW movie! :P


truth be told: i skipped over the 5th one, but then again, i don't think i missed much since the saw movies have a tendency of flashing back to the previous or even referring to the 3rd or 4th saw movie. however...to recap: saw VI starts out with the crushing death of agent strahm and the continuing legacy of det. hoffman, who is now the NEW jigsaw and thus carrying out his work. det. hoffman thinks he can get away with it all, except that 2 FBI agents are re-investigating the jigsaw murders, esp. when they find 2 predatory lenders forced to cut off their flesh in order to prevent screwbolts from drilling holes into their skulls. it's pretty nasty whether you cut off a limb or suffer with screwbolts in your skull, but hey...this is SAW we are talking about. we also learn that det. hoffman has had some help. jill kramer AKA jigsaw's wife is his "accomplice", and of course, she's got a plan up her sleeve... comeon! it wouldn't be a SAW movie w/o one! ;)

a lot of the motive-related questions are asked, and the game of william easton AKA the senior VP of a major health care provider really gets the test of his LIFE. he has to go through a series of tests determining who lives and dies, or... his limbs get blown off by these time-bombs strapped to his arms and ankles. now, the SAW franchise has had some CRAZY/really disgusting traps created, but i have to say madd props to the creatives on the death-go-round, the rib-crunching breathing apparatus, and of course, bringing back the signature jigsaw reverse bear trap head apparatus! now, if i can keep myself from not hurling my dinner due to the graphic nature of the death effects... :P

Thursday, October 21, 2010

TAE GUK GI: THE BROTHERHOOD OF WAR
4 out of 5 stars

a tremendously LONG film about the korean war! also, a tremendously BLOODY and horrific outlook on the horrors of wartime as well as the psychological aspects of how the motherland got torn apart by the ideals of democracy and communism. it’s no documentary obviously, but the storyline is well written and the acting is quite great! ;)



the year is 1950, and the korean war has just broken out… take an ordinary korean family operating a small noodle house and shoe-shining, and plunge the boys right into the battlefield. older bro jin-tae (the great/hott actor jang dong-gun) shoe-shines for a living to pay for his young bro’s education. of course, younger bro jin-seok (won bin) reluctantly “enlists”. (ehh…it’s more of a “you have to come fight with us now” sort of sitch) jin-tae feels like he has to protect his lil’ bro, so he too “enlists.” it’s a no-win situation, and pretty soon, bullets are flying, body parts are being blown up, blood is gushing everywhere, and the commies keep on coming. the movie is a visual representation of the korean war, but this movie’s focus is more on the brotherhood/bond between two brothers, and i think the overall message is how CRAZY the ideals of government/power can make even the best of brothers into sworn enemies…


i think the best aspect of this film is the storyline, esp. the beginning where it starts out with an elder jin-seok reflecting on his past, triggered by a phone call from the korean war excavation unit from the south korean govt. the excavation unit thinks that they found the remains of a sgt. lee jin-seok, and of course, elder jin-seok knows that in his heart that it’s his brother who died trying to save him on the battlefield. it’s all incredibly moving and very sad. (my eyes are still puffy from crying them out…) also, the music featured on the soundtrack is incredibly GOOD. not sure who the composer was, but it’s very beautiful and appropriate for a movie of this nature. GREAT film, and i understand why it won so many awards at an intl film festival in 2004!


p.s. this year marks the 60th anniversary of the korean war, and all i can say is THANK YOU to all those who fought in the name of democracy and R.I.P. to those who died in the name of democracy…

Friday, October 15, 2010

COCO CHANEL & IGOR STRAVINSKY
4 out of 5 stars

such a BEAUTIFUL film about the relationship/love affair between fashion designer coco chanel and russian composer igor stravinsky! with this film, i don’t think i liked it so much for the acting per se, but more for the costume design (chanel’s outfits…LOVE!) as well as coco’s beautiful countryside villa, where most of the film takes place… ;)



it all starts out BRILLIANTLY with the disastrous opening debut of igor stravinsky’s “rite of spring” in paris 1913. all classical and non-classical musicians know that this particular debut won the award of “shit-hitting-the-fan” moment of the 20th century due to the fact that the dissonance of the music and bizarre choreography of said piece caused a major RIOT. (i wish i was kidding, but i’m not…) people are yelling obscenities, throwing things at the dancers, all the while, coco chanel is sitting calmly in her theatre seat, moved by the music. she really was a woman ahead of her time, certainly… fast forward to seven years, and coco and igor meet again at an after party. she allows him to stay at her countryside villa outside of paris, and he and the rest of the stravinsky clan move in. god knows what chanel was thinking at the time, but her good deed turns into a love affair with the composer, and you probably can guess the rest… ;)


this version of chanel was quite different from the one portrayed by audrey tatou in coco before chanel. this version was the sophisticated, bitchy, perfectionist chanel that makes her a fashion designer by default. with a cigarette always hanging from her mouth, chanel thinks she’s just as an artist as stravinsky. she even admits that in a scene, where she claims she doesn’t make sketches beforehand, just like stravinsky plays what comes to him first on the piano. famed danish actor mads mikkelsen (we know him as the teary-eyed villain in casino royale) plays the famous composer, and does a brilliant job portraying the cool yet complicated musical figure as well as mastering 2 languages (he speaks in both russian and french) in 1 film! (impressive…) i think my only gripe is the mere fact that this is all FICTION. the story is based on a 2002 book written by a british poet , but who’s to say we can’t use our imagination and wonder what would have happen between such great figures in both fashion and musical culture? ;)

Friday, October 8, 2010

HARRY BROWN
3 out of 5 stars

this was an interesting movie on how british gang violence is escalating in certain "slums" of london. it's also interesting to see how an ordinary person can transform into a vigilante overnight esp. if he's got the right training and personality to make those pay for their crimes... :)


the GREAT michael caine stars in this violent british thriller about an ordinary citizen of one of london's ghetto apartment complexes AKA the estate. harry brown is just an ordinary man, living an ordinary life. he wakes up, makes himself a cup of hot tea, eats a breakfast of jam + toast, and then visits his dying wife in the hospital. in the afternoons, he plays chess with his best friend len attwell in the pub near his apartment complex. problems arrise when harry's "ordinary" life gets disrupted by the death of his wife and beloved kath (very poignant scene- made me cry...) as well as the gruesome murder of his best friend by the local teenage gang. harry doesn't take the news of len's murder very easily, and decides he's going to kill each and every one of the lil' bastards. this, of course, triggers the attention of the police, esp. the attention of detective inspector alice frampton (a subdued/tired looking emily mortiimer) and her colleague detective sergeant terry hicock, who suspect that harry is behind the deaths of the local gang members. fortunately for harry, no one seems to think an old geezer like him would do such a thing... i mean, the guy is in his 70s and has emphesema! but my good chaps, are you in for a surprise... ;)

michael caine is AWESOME in this, as he is in every movie he's in. i guess my only gripe is that the beginnings are really slow and the editing really bothered me because there were times where the film jumped around between scenes too much... (?) the dialogue could have been written better, and the cat-and-mouse interplay between the police figures and harry could have been written better too. (where's the fun in them suspecting harry from the start?) i guess i just felt that this could have been better in terms of dialogue & plot due to the fact that you had 2 GREAT actors, caine and emily mortimer, in this "thriller"... plus, the low budget/indie feel didn't quite fit either. it's not a bad movie per se, but then again...not great either...