SURROGATES
2 out of 5 stars

“honey, i don’t know what you are. i mean, for all i know, you could be some big, fat dude sitting in his stim chair with his dick hanging out.” – agent tom greer (bruce willis)



honestly… i don’t understand why bruce willis likes/lands roles like these, where he’s another FBI agent, with a hurtful past, trying to solve some weird conspiracy theory around a major city, and to complicate matters…he’s fighting robots this time! (well, human-commanded ones) as absurd as the plot goes, it takes place in the not-too-distant future, where humans use surrogate robots in their daily lives. the surrogates go to work, party, get their hair done, interact, even investigate crime, all the while, their human “operators” sit in these chairs getting fatter, scruffier, and nastier as days go by… crime, you say? well, someone kills the son of VSI (virtual self incorp.) chairman lionel canter (played by the brilliant james cromwell), and guess who is assigned to the case? BINGO!


i think ai: artificial intelligence was probably one of the better robot-related movies because there was a good story to it, where this is just blah… i was expecting a least a wittier bruce willis, but some d-bag hollywood producer decided this was going to be a serious film. (at least, if it was funny, we would have gotten a couple of laughs out of the ridiculousness of all this crap. oh, come on! he’s always saying smart remarks in the die hard series!) at least, visually, it was fun to see ving rhames star in this as the “prophet” AKA the anti-surrogate/pro-human revolutionary and also his best impression of funkadelic george clinton! (that hair, mon…)


my only question is… if surrogates are so great, why couldn’t i have used one to see this movie… oh, darnit… i guess i’m thinking clone because i still would have had to endure an hour and a half of boring actors and a plot “twist” that didn’t twist at all… :P