PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME
2 out of 5 stars

king sharaman: “the princess of alamut will be your first wife! what say you, dastan?”

prince dastan: “uhh....”
king sharaman: “he plunges into a hundred foes without falter, but before marriage he stands frozen with fear!”
prince dastan: “i need a drink.”


and... i felt like i should have drank something strong before a friend convinced me to see this jerry bruckheimer production based upon a computer game that i used to play when i was in elementary school! :P


not that i had high expectations for this one, but i think my fave movie critic peter travers from rollingstone said it the best: if a hollywood producer can convince a studio to turn a computer game into a major motion picture filled with CGI sand storms and epic battles, it WOULD BE jerry bruckheimer. (i.e. the production behind pirates of the caribbean) unfortunately, this one doesn’t have johnny depp or jack sparrow... instead, we get prince dastan (jake gyllenhaal all grown up and muscular) mastering the art of parkour and faux-tanning to save the world from his power-hungry uncle nizam, who covets the sand-filled dagger that can allow a person to go back in time. (ben kingsley going for the racoon-eyed look so he could pass off as a “persian”) there’s also the beautiful princess tamina (i found her WAY TOO annoying...), and alfred molina as a sheik who had the best lines in the entire movie. could have possibly been the jack sparrow of this film, but wished he was more of a central character... (which i would have easily given it another star. you lose, prince of persia, hahahahaha :P)


plot is predictable... the chemistry between tamina and dastan is eye-rollingingly cheesy... final verdict on this one: save it for your netflix queue. (it’s not worth your $13 or however much movies cost these days...)