HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE
5 out of 5 stars


kumar: “hey, goldstein! there’s a rockin’ asian party over at princeton if you’ve got the yellow fever.”



goldstein: “man, i don’t have yellow fever… I’VE GOT THE YELLOW PLAGUE!”


this movie is probably one of my ALL TIME favorites, not just because it’s got the hilarious john cho in it… it also says a lot about cultural and racial stereotypes and the social/family dynamics of 2nd generation children… who am I kidding? this movie is AWESOME because of the cultural/racial stereotypes! :P (awful but you gotta admit there’s truth here…)


harold lee and kumar patel could not be any more different, but they have one special thing in common. they love to smoke weed… so, after one regular friday night, they decide to toke up, but kumar decides he wants the “perfect food.” (cue: the white castle commercial) so, in their search for the nearest white castle, they run into NPH (neil “i just did some coke off some stripper’s ass” patrick harris, woooo!), a freakishly hilariously made up country-singin’ mechanic by the name of freakshow, his beautiful threesome lovin’ wife, a black man in jail, racist cops, bobby lee AKA kenneth park class of 2005, EXTREME! jerks (love the wilson phillips sing-along), the diarrhea twins at princeton (GROSSEST SCENE but I think still my favorite scene) and my favorite is anthony anderson the drive-thru guy… (“come on, pookie! let’s burn this muthafucker down!!!”) i also like the romantic factor of harold longing for his true love maria, which i think is really cute actually… on the flip side, kumar’s fantasy sequence with the bag of weed is probably THE best scene! (bahahahaha talk about love affairs…)


i must say, this is the perfect weekend movie to watch or even after a shitty work day because it’s pretty f-ing hilarious. i don’t even know why they went with a sequel to this because you just can’t top something as original as H&K… come on, hollywood! so as memorial day weekend approaches, remember this lovely flick about a bunch of dudes longing for some burgers. just one more thing… hey, do you want to play battleshitz? :P

ZOOLANDER
5 out of 5 stars

"moisture is the essence of wetness. and...wetness is the essence of beauty..." - male model derek zoolander in his mermaid AVEDA commercial



umm... what is this shit i hear that ben stiller is going for a sequel to his most awesome movie yet? (to be released in 2012, mind you...) a better idea would probably be a hansel movie instead, right? that... i'll pay to see! :P


if you haven't seen this cult classic, you need to see it IMMEDIATELY. i mean, who hasn't seen male model derek zoolander give a egoogly at his roommates' funerals, who happen to die in a freak gasoline fight accident? what about mugatu the fashion designer who invented the piano key necktie, and uses homeless people's clothing as an inspiration to his latest fashion line? or...katinka inga bogovianana? (LOL i love mila jovovich's CRAZY russian accent!) best scenes are probably the walk-off to the tune of beat it by MJ, hansel's VH1 awards nomination video interview, the D-A-I-Y-E spa, the brainwashing video with mugatu and his poodle, and of course, the breakdance fight!


i LOVE ALL the celebrity cameos in the movie... from jerry stiller (ben's real father) to jon voight ("derek, i'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor" makes me LOL everytime!) to billy zane... ("stay out of this, zane!") it's great satire and total mockery of the fashion industry, but i love it... which is why i'm a little hesitant about the sequel and what kind of movie ben stiller is cooking up in his head... well, whatever it is, as long as it has hansel in it, i'm game.


p.s. i wonder if bruno will make an appearance in the sequel? lady gaga? OMG, what about miss j from ANTM? hmm...

UP IN THE AIR
4 out of 5 stars

“everyone needs a co-pilot.” – ryan bingham



if you’ve ever been let go/fired, are a flying enthusiast, travel for a living, or even all of the above: WATCH THIS MOVIE. here’s a story about a man who works for a corporation that specializes in the “art of firing someone”, but his personal life is in shambles... ryan bingham is an air warrior, traveling from city to city, flashing his hertz club gold #1 card everywhere, going through airport security like a pro, enjoying his AA priority access seating in business class, and best of all: loving every minute of it. calling the airport his home, he thrives upon the recycled air in planes, the cheap sushi, the drinks at the airport bars, the elite access... which is fun to see when he finds out his job is about to be replaced by video-conferencing. (thanks to an overachieving grad and newbie in the workforce)


such a great movie about how people cope with their termination, and you wonder if such a company exists in real life? (i’m sure it does...) gold stars to george clooney for being so suave/sexy, but you can also see some vulnerability when it comes his “relationship” with alex. (vera famiga) the college grad girl is such a BITCH, and there’s a point in the movie where you’re like WHO casted you for this? it would have been fun to see ellen page again. (i miss juno!) i cried when you get to see the reactions of the handful of faces (real/not), and alex and ryan’s trip to ryan’s sister’s wedding is just so darling... sensitive ones, beware. hearts may get broken in this flick about commitment, but in certain cases, maybe being alone isn’t a bad thing, right? or maybe in this case, you’re not alone when it comes to getting fired. so, snuggle up with your loved one and watch this one... i can see why it got an oscar nod... ;)


p.s. really LIKED the concept of loyalty and sticking with AA as the airline of choice for this movie. it actually makes me like AA more... hmm... should i stick with them for my vegas trip, or go with jetblue? i guess if i'm gonna be like ryan bingham and try and get 10 million miles in my lifetime, i should start now... :P

OLD SCHOOL
5 out of 5 stars

“WE’RE GOING STREAKING!!! THROUGH THE QUAD!!! INTO THE GYMNASIUM!!! WOOOOO!!!” – frank the tank



college. such a WONDERFUL time in any young person’s life. the academics, the parties, the hookups. not to mention the jello wrestling, the pranks (jacks as we called them @ rice), the streaking (BAKER 13!), and of course, the craziness that makes the collegiate life oh-so-special… well, i guess we’re revisiting a cult classic that is old school. if you don’t know already—it’s about three guys (ferrell, luke wilson and vaughn) who decide that they’re going to run their own fraternity after mitch (wilson) decides to leave his gf after finding her in a “compromising position.” (“uhh…i’m here for the gang bang” is probably the best quote EVER in this silly movie) of course, now married frank formally known as frank the tank and beanie decide they want to take this as far as one can with a fraternity. so begins the streaking, the binge drinking, the parties, etc. every movie has an antagonist, so we have dean pritchard (a toolbag jeremy piven) try and stop the guys from having too much fun… all because he got locked in a dumpster when he was little? psssh! :P


will ferrell probably plays the most hilarious and outrageously funny character as now married frank. it’s almost to the point of how many funny situations can this guy be in? who knew one could shot oneself in the jugular with an animal tranquilizer gun? the best part is probably when the entire frat is doing a cheer/dance routine to show school spirit, and frank decides to jump through a ring of fire! yeah… it’s almost to the point of ridiculousness, but hey! it’s college! i really like how they’ve each got the “animal house” spirit, and it’s great to see these comedians trade lines with one another. also, andy dick as the BJ master class teacher is hilarious… (mind the step-children, mind the step-children…)


so, what else do i have to say? see it if you’re ever in a silly mood… and always remember that BLUE IS YOUR BOY! :P


P.S. who could EVER forget snoop dogg’s cameo? SNOOOOP DOG!!!

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG
5 out of 5 stars

it’s refreshing to see disney back to its original form: straight-up 2D animation. it took me forever and a day to finally get this movie, and i was so happy when i finally watched it! this is a MUST-SEE… (no matter how old you are!)



disney takes the classic tale of the frog prince, and puts a major twist on it. CAJUN STYLE! set in the jazz-era of n’orleans, we have our heroine tianna, whose lifelong dream is to own her own restaurant. little does she know, while her rich white friend charlotte is hosting a masquerade ball in honor of a visiting prince, she is approached by a talking frog, who then claims he’s the real prince… he convinces her to kiss him, but then, she ends up as a frog too! thus, starts the adventure of tianna and prince naveen: trying to outwit redneck hunters, hungry gators, trying to find mama odie who’s the voodoo queen of the bayou, befriending a jazz-enthusiastic gator, befriending a band of fireflies, and last but not least, outsmarting the shadow man responsible for the transformations in the first place.


i think the best part of any disney movie is the songwriting, and these songs are just AWESOME. jazzy, sassy, catchy… all of them are great, and reminds me of my childhood growing up watching the lion king (when it first came out), the little mermaid (believe it or not, i still have the VHS version!), and who can forget ALADDIN!!! this is another classic to add to the growing must-buy list of mine, and i think you would enjoy it too… ray the firefly is my favorite character! can’t understand a single word he’s saying (it’s that n’orleans accent, i tell ya), but he’s the most entertaining… you can’t help but smile and dance to this one! or…should i say jump, jive and wail? ;)

AMERICAN WEDDING
2 out of 5 stars

continuing onward with more wedding related movies… we started this week with wedding crashers, and now we’ve moved from a great company about CRASHING weddings to PULLING one off! remember the gang from the makers of american pie? yeah… they’re back, and this time, my dearly beloveds, it’s jim and michelle who are TYING THE KNOT! :P



so, we remember shy jim and michelle from american pie. jim (jason biggs), the guy that put his weiner in an apple pie his mother had baked and nearly burnt off his manhood… michelle (alyson hannigan), the girl that went to band camp and put a flute up her hoohah… well, they’re getting married! jim finally gets to meet michelle’s parents (fred willard is a hoot!), and of course, stifler (the crazy/horny sean william scott) wants to immediately “boom-boom with the bridesmaids.” there’s paul finch (eddie kay Thomas) and chris, who will be jim’s bestmen at the wedding. AND… lest not forget eugene levy, jim’s DAD!!! it’s too bad tara reid didn’t make a cameo appearance. perhaps she was too busy in rehab, maybe?


lots of crap jokes, lots of sex jokes, but it’s a good end to the AP saga… watch out for stifler dance-battling the biggest gay dude in a club, which i thought was pretty funny! another funny scene is the “bachelorette party” which is just ridiculousness... not to mention ball shaving, crap eating, dogs humping… it’s the most ridic wedding yet! ohhh… and stifler finally puts himself to use:


finch: “grandmother fucker.”
stifler: “well… you’re a motherfucker.”
finch: “yes, i am…”


boys will be boys. even at a wedding… :P

THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX
5 out of 5 stars

LOL what a FANTASTIC movie! (i think i’ll buy this because it was that GREAT!)



it’s almost as if ocean’s 11 and wind in the willows had a love child, and this would be the end result. clever and sneaky mr. fox (voiced appropriately by george clooney AKA danny ocean) has made a living killing chickens, squabs, pheasants, whathaveyou poultry, and when he and mrs. fox (voiced by the great meryl streep) get caught in a pickle, she makes him promise to find another line of work. (and tells him she’s pregnant too…) mr. fox decides to be a columnist, but that doesn’t satisfy his “appetite” for stealing… he even buys a new tree to make a new home for his wife and kid, but only buys it because in the distance he can see a chicken farmer named boggis, a duck farmer named bunce, and an apple farmer named bean to satisfy that appetite from within. such a great cast of characters including: badger the lawyer (bill murray) with his law practice badger beaver and beaver attorneys at law (CUTE); kristofferson the athletic nephew of mr. fox (wes anderson’s son provided the voice talent); kylie the super possum and minnow fisherman; francis bean the apple farmer and apple cider enthusiast (michael gambon AKA dumbledore); rat (willem dafoe with a crazy cajun accent)


i happen to be a big roald dahl fan because his books were a huge part of my childhood reading, and i think wes anderson took this beloved tale of wit and survival and really made it FANTASTIC. stop-motion can kind of be a hit-or-miss when it comes to animation and the type of story you’re trying to tell, but i think it was done appropriately and in such a stylistic way that fused wes anderson’s own cinematic style with a visual medium that delivered the story well. i’m also a fan of wes anderson because all his movies are very retro/vintage and have a cool indie feel that leaves a warm 70s MJ high upon watching... almost like wallace and gromit with the british acting and setting, but instead of clay, it looked like they used puppets, maybe? VERY CUTE and a great story… (wouldn’t expect anything less. it is roald dahl afterall!)


if you’re ever in the mood for a witty, comedic, visually interesting movie, try this out… i think you’ll think it’s fantastic too. ;)

THE BIRDCAGE
5 out of 5 stars

“you do an eclectic celebration of the dance! you do fosse, fosse, fosse! you do martha graham, martha graham, martha graham! or twyla, twyla, twyla! or michael kidd, michael kidd, michael kidd, michael kidd! or madonna, madonna, madonna!...but you keep it all inside.” – armand goldman



i guess this week i’m theming it up with marriage related movies: weddings, meeting the in-laws, romantic comedies, whathaveyou… why not include funny gay couples…like armand and albert from the birdcage? ;)


i would think most people have seen the birdcage by now, since it’s such a cult classic. (both the french and this version) but for those who haven’t… it’s about a gay miami club owner named armand (played BRILLIANTLY by robin williams) who lives with his partner and drag star of the birdcage named albert. (also played BRILLIANTLY by nathan lane- couldn’t have cast it better myself!) their son val returns from college (my guess is winter break), and announces that he wants to get married. the only problem is that the girl happens to be the daughter of a VERY conservative senator. (played by gene hackman who is sort of out of his usual general/army role here) the real star of the show is agador, armand and albert’s flamboyantly gay and fabulously guatamalan house “maid.” (best part is when he’s singing lady marmalade in nothing but a man-thong BUT cleaning the pool at the same time) hank azaria is HILARIOUS, but then… when is he not? even on the simpsons!


i, for one, thought the american version translated over very nicely hitting all the political issues right on point (i.e. abortion, gays in the military, political scandal) especially since these things happen to be what we’re STILL dealing with a decade later… so much for political progress, right? the best scene is when “mother coleman” provides her own POV that tugs at senator keeley’s political AND moral heartstrings… the gay china is also another favorite scene of mine when they’re all trying to figure out what’s going on on those bowls! GREAT movie that’s got memorable lines, comedic situations, and a gay-friendly storyline… can’t go wrong with this one! :P


but… the best line of all is this: (you go, armand!)


armand: “yes, I wear foundation. yes, I live with a man. yes, I’m a middle-aged fag. but I know who I am, val. it took me twenty years to get here, and I’m not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. fuck the senator, I don’t give a damn what he thinks.”

WEDDING CRASHERS
3 out of 5 stars

ahh… ‘tis is the season to be having a wedding, getting majorly drunk, and last but not least…crashing them so you can get lucky! ;)



you gotta love john and jeremy (wilson and vaughn respectively), two horny/hilarious divorce attorneys who decide the best way for them to get laid/meet girls is to attend as many weddings as humanly possible. (any religion for that matter- they’re not very exclusive) what did you expect? they’re CRASHERS! it’s just that when they decide to crash the wedding of a politician’s daughter, love creeps around the corner in the form a bridesmaid… (well, two for that matter- 1) rachel mcadams who is as sweet as ever 2) isla fisher in a hilariously cutesy/so clingy she’s like saran wrap to your skin kind of GF of jeremy’s) christopher walken is great as the political father figure of his girls, jane seymour as the cougar mother, bradley cooper as the douchebag BF of rachel mcadam’s and will ferrell’s cameo as chazz the ultimate wedding crasher now living at home with his mother demanding meatloaf… all are hilariously funny, and it just takes weddings and romantic comedies to a whole another meaning!


the most hilarious of scenes ALL takes place at the politician’s home esp. when the son todd hits on jeremy at night with the “gay art show”, the hunt where bradley cooper pulls a dick cheney on a quail shoot, the awkward HJ dinner scene, and… there’s grandma! owen wilson and vince vaughn do have a nice bromance going on here, but i felt like it was even better in old school where luke, vince, and will really had some fraternity love going on… it would have been better if will ferrell wasn’t just a cameo but more of a main character because he certainly got the best lines…


just one more thing… HEY MOM, CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?! :P

DEATH AT A FUNERAL
4 out of 5 stars

your favorite film critic is BACK! (and here’s a review of a movie i watched on my lovely vacation in TX…)



this is the british remake of death at a funeral, and boy, does it make you LAUGH. for those of you know who don’t know the plot: (i’ll just refer to all the characters in the movie by their real names, since i can’t seem to remember their characters’ names) chris rock’s father just passed away… he’s stressed out because he has to pay all the funeral expenses, deal with his crazy family members, deal with his wife who’s trying to get pregnant, and on top of everything, a lil’ midget dude wants to blackmail him with photos of his father in a very compromising “position.” plus, there’s “valium” and poop that make this movie COMEDY GOLD. we have a stellar cast of comedians including chris rock, martin lawrence (aka MAR-TAN), danny glover, tracy morgan, columbus short… i feel like the only person missing from this cast is terry crewes or ice-cube. then again, maybe the producers didn’t want it to be another friday after next, the funeral edition… :P


best scenes: tracy morgan and the poo situation, james marsden on “valium”- especially when he’s on the roof naked and singing amazing grace to his in-laws to be, peter dinklage’s character high on “valium”, chris rock and martin lawrence’s “brotherly love”, and just the entire premise of trying to pull off a funeral for a loved one and then dealing with all the shit that happens in between…


but, hahahaha. best line is:


elaine: oscar, you’re going to be a father.
oscar: (high on “valium”) i’m pregnant?


;)