CHRONICLE
5 out of 5 stars

i HATED paranormal activity. i HATED blair witch. ugh....and CLOVERFIELD? no way, jose... that style of digi camera work bothers me to the core. but i LOVED chronicle. it’s refreshing to watch a movie that features superheroes and villains that aren’t from the minds of marvel comics. :P

so, what exactly is this movie about? andrew (dane dehaan) decides to buy himself a video camera to start filming his life, especially the part where his father physically abuses him while his mother is dying in the next room. (i think she might have cancer? whatever...she’s really REALLY sick...) andrew is a loner, and is always getting picked on at school/home/neighborhood...the bullying never stops for him. he’s picked up from school everyday by his fun cousin matt (alex russell), and the two seem to be close? the two get invited to a rave party at some barn, and they along with matt’s friend/mr. popularity steve (michael b. jordan) discover a ginormous hole in the ground near the barn... they decide to crawl down to see what’s there, and that’s when they get affected by this alien radiation/substance/???. the trio somehow make it out of the hole in tact, and that’s when they start exhibiting supernatural powers i.e. telekinesis, super strength, even flight! they start to pull pranks on people at the mall, in the parking lot... however, things get really serious when andrew causes a major car accident by making a truck fall off a bridge! matt and steve being the pacifists decide to put down some rules, but andrew’s powers/lack of control grow stronger day by day. and, it could only be fueled by one thing... and they said emotions aren’t powerful? ;)

EXCELLENT movie with great character development (esp. andrew as the anti-hero), great storyline, and extra points for style. :) i thought the ending was a bit over the top, but generally, it’s kept pretty realistic/low key. there’s no crazy demi-god trying to take over the world. there’s no weird alien species trying to take over earth. all you have here is a lonely/depressed teenage boy who longs to be accepted and loved, but isn’t... andrew’s story is sad. it’s actually sort of cliche too, if you think about it. but wait until you see how andrew “snaps”... magneto would have taken cover. :P

SHAME
4 out of 5 stars

so, basically this was an hour and 40 minutes of michael fassbender having sex? HOTT. :P

but seriously...this brandon sullivan character is in fact a sex ADDICT. he will have sex with anyone, anywhere, ANYTIME. brandon sullivan (michael fassbender) is...a very handsome, reserved thirtysomething tech firm/advertising agency exec, but deep down inside, he’s got something very nasty growing inside. his addiction to sex has lead him to masturbate frequently during work hours, has corrupted his hard drive due to the massive amounts of porn on it, and he invites escorts over to his sterile apt like they’re his best (sex) friends. (when he’s watching porn and eating leftover chinese with a beer like it’s some sitcom is hilarious to me b/c he’s so nonchalant about it...everydayroutine!) then one day, he comes down to his stereo blasting and someone singing in the shower... brandon grabs a baseball bat, runs furiously into the bathroom, and finds his sister sissy (a very hipster carey mulligan) scared silly! apparently she broke up with her BF mark, so she decided to crash at her big bro’s. too bad...this totally cramps brandon’s style. :P sissy invites brandon to come hear her sing at some caberet bar, and he and his slimey boss david attend. sissy ends up sleeping with said slimey boss IN BRANDON’S BED. this really puts brandon on edge, and basically it’s a down hill sexual spiral from there...

i totally had mixed feelings about this one, but ultimately settled on a 4 because the raw emotions that fassbender and carey mulligan exhibit come across as true and genuine. their anger, their frustration with one another, their sadness...all of that is very well exhibited and makes the movie wonderful. (the scene when sissy is singing is one of my faves as well as when they sit down and “talk” about their issues on the couch) brandon and sissy could not be so different characteristically! (brandon = cold, distant, self-loathing; sissy = warm, clingy, unconditional love for her brother) the only flaw i see in this though is why they didn’t explore the relationship between brandon and sissy more? was it incest? abuse? what’s the source of brandon’s addiction? also, what’s the source of their awkwardness towards one another? characters needed to be further developed esp. if this is going to be a story of a sex addict and his problems. otherwise, fassbender sure knows how to fuck a woman. or two... ;)

21 JUMP STREET
5 out of 5 stars

“you have a right to.... ...suck my dick, motherfucker!” 
– jenko

at first glance, you may think this is just an uncreative reboot of the 80s show, but it’s sooooooo not. i am still laughing from this one because it is so silly, creative, and HILARIOUS. jonah hill helped co-write the screenplay for this, and it’s just 21 jump street: superbad style. GREAT scenes, GREAT comedic banter between a really funny channing tatum (i can’t believe i just said that) and jonah hill, and even features a cameo from the guys who did it in the 80s... :P

so, the movie starts off with an eminem wanabe lookin’ schmidt (jonah hill) circa 2005, who decides he’s going to ask the pretty girl out to prom. he starts choking in front of her, all the while super jock and dumbass jenko (channing tatum) is ROFLMAO-ing at his locker nearby. (OMG the hair!) jenko is then called into the principal’s office, and he gets the terrifying news that he won’t be able to go to prom this year. (AHHHHHH) both end up crying outside... few years pass, and schmidt and jenko reunite at the police recruitment center because they both want to be cops. jenko SUCKS at all the law and basicaly fails every academic test given to him at the academy, but schmidt helps him out by becoming his tutor. aaaaaand...schmidt SUCKS at all the physical training, so jenko returns the favor by becoming his trainer. soon, they graduate and become...park police. (HAH!) while on duty, they spot these bad-ass motorcycle gang members selling drugs at the park, and while they try to make the arrest, jenko botches it because he couldn’t remember what the miranda rights were. (LOL) their captain decides to stick them in a program called “jump street”, where youthful lookin’ cops can go undercover in HS and shut down HS-related operations. apparently, there’s a drug circling around their old high school that’s blowing kids’ minds and making them overdose. their mission: to infiltrate the dealers and find the supplier. but only if it were that easy... as schmidt and jenko realize...high school has changed A LOT since their days. as jenko puts it: “the cool kids are these eco-friendly, crunchy-granola types. something ain’t right with this captain. i blame glee.” :P

BEST scenes: when jenko and schmidt get high from the shit angel drug, the not-so-explosive car chase, schmidt’s HOUSE PARTY!, the bathroom scene, PROM night, when jenko bonds with his science nerd friends, captain ice cube. i mean with lines like this:

“HEY, HEY! STOP FUCKIN’ WITH KOREAN JESUS! HE AIN’T GOT TIME FOR YO PROBLEMS! HE BUSY...WITH KOREAN SHIT!”

LOL, i love the fact that 21 jump street is an abandoned korean church... :P

ALBERT NOBBS
3 out of 5 stars

i didn’t really know what to make of this movie at first… i mean, it’s a movie about a woman dressing up as a man in 19th century ireland, and trying to marry when in fact, he is biologically a SHE. and they didn’t even have those types of surgeries back in those days! :P

so, who is albert nobbs? HE (glenn close in reverse drag- GREAT actress!) is a shy waiter at morrison’s hotel, who has a major crush on another housemaid named helen dawes (mia wasikowska), but can’t seem to act on his impulses for fear that his secret of being a woman will get out… (and then get THROWN out eventually) he works hard, and has saved up every penny (or irish equiv.) to someday open up a tobacco shop and find himself a wife. however, a house painter by the name of hubert page stirs things up when albert is forced to share his room with him, thanks to hotel micro-manager/owner mrs. baker, and hubert discovers albert’s secret when albert freaks out after discovering a flea on him… of course, albert is even more freaked out that hubert will tell on him, but then hubert shows him that he, in fact, is biologically a woman too! (the look on albert’s face when he sees hubert’s breasts! :O) hubert tells albert all about his wife and his life outside of being a house painter, and albert soon wonders if he could live his life like hubert. of course, there’s another layer to this story… joe mackins (aaron johnson) shows up to morrison’s hotel as a boiler man, and soon wins the heart of helen. he wants to go to america with helen, but with no $... it’s a problem. joe then plots with helen to see if albert can fund their one-way trip, but albert wants to marry helen. oh yeeeeah…and then typhoid fever starts killing everyone. charming times, huh? :P

the acting is quite good, and i wished they would have explored more of albert’s past and what made him decide a man’s lifestyle was better than a woman’s. they touched on it a little bit when albert tells hubert that he was gang raped when he was 14, but i feel like we as the viewers should have been told more about albert’s childhood, his mother, etc. i mean…who was his mother? who was his father? did albert transition to be a male in order to get a job or because he truly thought he was male? i think hubert truly thought he was a male, but i didn’t feel the same way for albert… very odd movie. plus, it was weird seeing jonathan rhys meyers and brendan gleeson in minor roles… :/

A HAROLD & KUMAR CHRISTMAS
4 out of 5 stars

didn’t see this one in 3D, but then again...did i really need to see harold and kumar’s christmas adventure around NYC in 3D? well...more like see harold’s penis get stuck to a frozen pole in 3D? dangit...don’t answer that. :P

funnier than what i was expecting! (well, i was expecting more of the same...just like the original) i guess it’s been almost 4 years since harold and kumar have stopped being friends and moved on with their respective lives... harold (john cho- can he be my future husband? :P) is now some corporate bigshot living the bigshot wall street life, married to his beautiful latin wife maria, and fending off occupy wall street protestors. kumar (kal penn) is...still kumar, and smoking that weed like snoop dogg’s indian equivalent. harold has bigger problems of his own though. his father-in-law, carlos (bad-ass danny trejo), decides to visit harold and maria for the holidays with the rest of the perez clan, and wants harold to decorate the tree carlos has been growing for the past 8 years. problem is... when a mysterious package containing a joint arrives, kumar delivers the thing to harold, kumar decides to smoke said joint, and harold decides to throw it out the window...the joint “accidentally” catches the carlos tree on FIRE. so, harold and kumar basically run around town trying to find a replacement tree...all the while crashing a HS girl/mob boss’s daughter’s christmas party, run into their old jew friends rosenberg and goldstein, participate in NPH’s christmas broadway production, AND earn themselves a loyal wafflebot. :P

NPH totally steals the show as a “gay” NPH, but then again so does wafflebot. (i totally want one now!) favorite scenes have got to be when harold and kumar get claymated, NPH’s scenes, and of course wafflebot’s scenes too! ohhhh, and lest not forget the harold and kumar homage to a christmas story? not your typical wholesome christmas tale, but if you don’t mind seeing babies get high, racist jokes re: latinos AND asians AND jews, and santa getting shot in the face... THIS MOVIE IS FOR YOU THEN. merry christmas (in july)? :P

ROCK OF AGES
4 out of 5 stars

you can pour your sugar on me ANYTIME, stacee jaxx! :P

ahh, the 80s... who could forget the music? the hair? sexy rockers like axl rose and bret michaels? do i even need to summarize the plot of this one? we start with a small town girl with big dreams of becoming a star sing her way from OK to LA (julianne hough- PERFECT for the role of sherrie IMO), where she meets barback drew (diego boneta- meh) after she gets mugged by some stringy-haired creep. (how dare he take her records!!! ::shakes fist::) as it turns out, drew works at the bourbon room (owned/operated by a really grossed out alec baldwin and russell brand), and sherrie too gets a job as a waitress there. the bourbon room also happens to be in major debt, and only one man can save it financially... STACEE JAXX. (tom cruise NAILS this role!) stacee has one last concert with his band arsenal before he goes solo, so... this also means major opportunity for drew as his debut as wolfgang von colt! (i know...what a stage name) of course, you have to have a “bad guy”, and in this case, it’s patricia whitmore (catherine zeta jones), wife of mayor mike whitmore, who HATES stacee...maybe because of her past? ohhhhh, stacee... he totally makes this movie! ;)

ridiculous, cheesy, another GAY FAVE of the year! (i mean, you got the director of hairspray directing this one!) i wouldn’t say it’s as good as hairspray, but it’s pretty well produced and good actors doing things out of their element i.e. tom cruise as a drunk-ass jaded rocker sex icon and he totally brings this one together. the storyline is shallow like a watered down drink at a crappy bar, but hey! who needs story when you have SINGING?  esp. songs from def leppard, foreigner, and journey?!  talk about a movie that ROCKS OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT. see it now if you can handle the awesomeness of stacee jaxx. :P 

THE AVENGERS
5 out of 5 stars

“you’re missing the point!” there’s no throne. there is no version of this where you come out on top. maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us but it’s all on you. because if we can’t protect the earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it!” – tony stark AKA iron man

A is for AWESOME! A is for ACTION-PACKED! A is for AMERICAAA!!! :) (can’t you tell i LOVED this?)

if you don’t know who the avengers are...you need to get yourself off from underneath that sheltering rock. :P just kidding... but in case you truly don’t know the story of the avengers, they are: capt. america (chris evans), iron man (RDJ), thor (chris hemsworth), black widow (scarlett johansson), hawkeye (jeremy renner), and of course...THE HULK. (mark ruffalo) nick fury (samuel l. jackson) and his crew S.H.I.E.L.D. are working in their lab when a cube of immense blue energy “activates”. it opens up some sort of portal, and out pops loki (tom hiddelston)! this time, he’s hellbent on destroying earth as part of his revenge on his brother thor who has sworn to protect it by bringing the tesseract energy cube to an alien race named the chitauri, who in return will help loki destroy earth. loki ends up putting hawkeye and the scentist erik selvig (remember him from thor?) under some brainwash spell, and they help him escape. director fury is then forced to initiate the avengers initiative AKA the superhero dream team. ;)

WITTY script, lots of action sequences, and if there’s a director who can pull off a good storyline...IT IS JOSS WHEDON. all around awesome movie, and the casting was brilliantly done. talk about the world’s most dysfunctional team! :P however, it doesn’t matter because in the end, the avengers will always have the earth’s back. and of course, iron man steals the show with his humor and wit. e.g.:

loki: “what have i to fear?”
iron man: “the avengers. it’s what we call ourselves, sort of like a team earth’s mightiest heroes type of thing.”
loki: “yes, i’ve met them.”
iron man: “yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, i’ll give you that one. but let’s do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you’ve managed to piss off every single one of them.”

takethat, loki. :P

THE THREE MUSKETEERS
2 out of 5 stars

OK... airships, really? orlando bloom as a fashionista villain? REALLY? all the eye-rolling that occurred throughout this one made it quite “special”... :P

basically, this one is all about the classic alexandre dumas novel, but really REALLY REALLY watered-down. (my guess is that they were trying to cater towards middle school kids, but not the best job) the three musketeers this time are...matthew macfadyen (remember him from pillars of the earth? the priest!), luke evans (he was zeus in immortals...ugh), and ray stevenson. (volstagg from thor!) the three decide to break into davinci’s vault in venice to steal the blueprints to davinci’s airship with the help of milady AKA the countess de winter. (milla jovovich) they succeed but then...the countess betrays the musketeers by teaming up with the “evil” duke of bukingham. (orlando bloom...who actually looks good with a goat tee!) i can’t remember if it’s one year or five, but years pass and the musketeers are apparently disbanded by the king of france, louis XIII, and doing odd jobs around paris. (but oddly enough...they live together? i swear this movie has more plotholes than swiss cheese, LOL) they all cross paths with a young man named d’artagnan (logan lerman AKA percy jackson!), who wants to become a musketeer himself. it’s then that they decide that they all have the same enemy...ROCHEFORT. (mads mikkelsen sporting yet ANOTHER eye patch) rochefort HATES the musketeers, and works with the evil cardinal richelieu (christoph waltz- ugh...you are such a waste of talent to be starring in a shitshow like this! :P) to get rid of the musketeers forever as well as the king. there’s a lot of double crossing and airship dueling and mission planning, but honestly i can’t really remember what happened after all that. sounds like an oscar winner, right? :P

like i said...this movie seems like it was written for kids BY KIDS. the writing is awful, the acting is meh, and paul w.s. anderson is certainly NOT paul anderson. (the latter wrote there will be blood and this obviously doesn’t even remotely measure up...) one of my favorite actors, christoph waltz, plays up the true villain well, but his role isn’t enough to give this movie an extra star. booooo... could have been better. you’re better off watching the 1993 version with charlie sheen and keifer sutherland. at least then you’d be WINNING! :P (never gets old!)

HAPPY FEET TWO
4 out of 5 stars

i’m baaaaaaaack!!! :P (sorry, i got distracted with my card making project AND on top of that, i’ve decided to take on the netflix top 100 challenge. so it was DISTRACTIONS GALORE the past two weeks!)

so, unto this movie review… happy feet two is all about erik (who’s the son of mumble and gloria from the original movie) and his infactuation with the mighty scandavian SVEN. (voiced by hank azaria) ramon (voiced by robin williams…with a spanish accent! ole!) randomly decides to go back to woo his own penguin kind, and the kids (erik and his friends) follow him there. mumble (voiced by elijah wood) worries about his little offspring, so he follows him and finds him listening to the preachings of lovelace (voiced by robin williams…again) and the mighty sven. (howdy-doody!) while they’re preaching about how sven can fly and how the “aliens” (humans) saved them, mumble tries to bring erik and his friends back home. along the way, they encounter a big-ass elephant seal named bryan AND find out that emperor penguinland is encased by icebergs…thanks to a lovely thing called global warming. while all this is happening on the surface, we’re introduced to will and bill the krill(s). (voiced by brad pitt and matt damon respectively)

basically, will and bill are like the shrimp equivalent to that lil’ annoying squirrel from ice age. (but this time, they’re really funny and could have made it on their own in their own movie) it’s pretty much the same-old song and dance from the first movie, but this one…with more pop tunes. (and a random operatic song from erik re: his father…LOL) p!ink does a great job replacing brittany murphy (RIP), who died back in 09?  plus, the baby penguins' voices are soooo adorablezzz.  i thought it was super cute, but that’s just me… who doesn’t have a soft spot for singing and dancing penguins?! COMEON!!! :P

THE DARKEST HOUR
1 out of 5 stars

i’m sorry… but I still think the best alien invasion movie OF ALL TIME is independence day. where’s the smart-ass black guy? where’s the know-it-all scientist type? a bunch of 20 somethings aren’t gonna know jack-shit when it comes to survival… let alone a bunch of american 20 something tourists in obliterated moscow. COMEON! :P

so, the movie starts with sean (emile hirsch) and ben (max minghella- son of director anthony minghella), who are on their way to moscow for a business meeting to woo russian investors for their social media app called globetrot. (sort of like gowalla?) they get to moscow, but then their swedish friend skyler screws them over by cutting the dudes out of the deal. (something to do with a non-disclosure ageement) the boys drown their sorrows at a local nightclub/hotspot, where they hook up with these two american girls. (well, one’s british but you get the drift…) while they’re chit-chatting, the power suddenly goes out, and THE ALIENS ARRIVETH. ppl start vaporizing, and it’s all about survival at that point… :P

this one had potential to be good and creepy esp. with what they did with the lights and the fact that these were light-based alien lifeforms, but there was a lot of whining going on… NO, WE GET IT. YOU’RE STRANDED IN A CITY WHERE YOU DON’T KNOW THE LANGUAGE. ALIENS ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU. GET OVER IT. FLIGHT OR FIGHT, BITCHES. :P (but seriously- awful plot, awful acting, awful lack of character development did it for me…)

MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE
2 out of 5 stars

add this one to the “peter travers, you mislead me AGAIN!” list because although i thought elizabeth olsen (lil’ sister of MK and ashley) did a great job, i didn’t think the movie was all that great... basically, some bitch decides she doesn’t want the cult life for her anymore and flees. she thinks she can just de-program herself by living with her estranged sister and husband, but adjustment doesn’t come easy... :O (:O = a sarcastic surprise-y face)

“marcy may” is the name given to martha when she decides to live on a farm with the head cult guy patrick. we never find out HOW she gets to the cult farm or how she even knows patrick, but after 2 years living in the catskills, she decides to run away. she cuts through the woods, finally sits down to eat at a diner, but one of the guys follows her... he tries to convince her to come back, but she turns him down and phones her sister lucy (an excellent sarah paulson) to come pick her up. lucy lives at her lake house with her husband ted (hugh dancy), and they let her stay with them for the time being. there’s a lot of flashbacks to martha’s cult life i.e. swimming nekked at a nearby waterfall, the “cleansing” (ugh...disgusting), and her involvement in B&E crimes of neighboring wealthy homes... martha can’t seem to get a grip on who she is, what “normal” is, or what’s happened to her, so of course, she starts wigging out... REALLY BADLY. and lucy and ted have no idea what to do with her... :/

although this film has received many accolades and such, i wasn’t too impressed by this one. it started out OK, was progressing fine, but the end killed it for me. open-ended?! really?! plus, i feel like if she’s really wigging out and losing it, shouldn’t it have been more like black swan and the lines between reality and her cult life becomes blurrier and blurrier? however, acting wise, i have a feeling elizabeth olsen is starting to become indie film princess soon? (EXCELLENT job in this one)  following in the career footsteps of naomi watts, i see... ;) 

A DANGEROUS METHOD
5 out of 5 stars

“do you think they know we’re on our way, bringing them the plague?” – sigmund freud to carl jung (on a ship to NYC)

DAVID CRONENBERG (director of eastern promises, a history of violence) does it AGAIN!!! EXCELLENT movie about the founding fathers of analytical psychology! a wonderful cast and wonderful acting! if you’re interested in psychology, this is the movie for you. ;)

this one starts with a batshit crazy russian jewish woman named sabina speilrein (a WONDERFUL keira knightley) arriving via horse carriage to the burghölzli, a psychiatric hospital in zurich, switzerland with a typical case of hysteria. (AKA unmanageable emotional excesses accord. to wikipedia) she’s completely gone off the deep end, and carl jung (michael fassbender, how i love u!) decides to treat her using the “talking cure”, which is dream interpretation and word association. this is part of his approach to sigmund freud (viggo mortensen)’s radical new science, psychoanalysis. they start meeting and discussing sabina’s childhood and such, and jung finds out that sabina’s condition is triggered by humiliation and sexual arrousal from when her dad used to spank her nekked as a young child. (she’s a cronic masturbator, and even jung hitting her coat sets her off...LOL) 2 years pass, and jung decides to finally meet with the almighty freud and discuss his work with him. by then, sabina is all better, and wants to become a psychologist herself. problems start to form when sabina and jung enter into an affair (jung is married BTW), and freud wants jung to take the helm of the psychoanalysis movement. (although jung disagrees with many freudian theories) my favorite line is when jung states,”why must freud revolve everything around sexuality?” gawd, what a perv... :P

this was a very interesting look at how one woman influenced the radical principles of two founding fathers of analytical psychology, and how these two men (freud and jung) influenced each other, even though they disagreed with one another... this script was very well written and i actually would suggest watching with subtitles, so you don’t miss the meat of their discussions. fassbender EXCELS in the role of conflicted carl jung, viggo EXCELS in the role of freud...even down to smoking his danish grandfather’s cigars as part of his “method”, and keira EXCELS as sabina...down to the russian accent, the hysteria, the sex, everything. talk about a movie that gets into your mind and stays there... ;)

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE
GHOST PROTOCOL
5 out of 5 stars

benji: “now, remember... blue is glue.”
ethan: “and red?”
benji: “dead.”

OK, they needed to retitle this “ghost technical difficulties clusterfuck” b/c none of the gadgets they featured in this MI movie WORKED... thus, turning each mission into some sort of clusterfuck. :P but with all that said and technical difficulties aside, ethan hunt is baaaaaaaack and he’s kicking major russian ass to...save the world from a nuclear apocalypse. ;)

i’m not going to summarize this one because it doesn’t need to be... let’s cut to the chase!

best scenes: ALL the missions i.e. the kremlin mission feat. the invisible shield/hologram projection thingy, the signature dubai burj khalifa building climb, the mumbai mission feat. agent brandt’s server jump (imitating ethan hunt’s signature descent into langley during the first movie), and the beginning scene i.e. the russian prison break! if there’s one guy who can break out of a russian prison, it’s ethan hunt. (but this time, he’s got help in the form of agent jane carter i.e. paula patton and benji dunn i.e. simon pegg AKA the tech guy from MI3!)

as ethan says...”light the fuse.”

until the next one... ;) (should be fun since brad bird who directed this one will direct again. YAY!)

TOWER HEIST
3 out of 5 stars

ohhhhh, ben stiller... how is it that a comedian happens to get less funnier in the movies he stars in? eddie murphy saves this one with his ghetto-thug-fast-tawkin’-wannabe thief character slide. i’m glad he’s stopped doning in drag/putting on a fat suit to pass off as comedy these days... :P

tower heist is all about a bunch of working stiffs in a super-luxe hotel-like apartment complex in NYC called the tower, who lose their pensions to a bernie madoff-like billionaire arthur shaw. (a very slimy alan alda AKA hawkeye pierce from M*A*S*H!) josh kovaks (ben stiller) is the assistant building manager (i think- still not clear what his exact title was), and he’s got this shit down... he knows all his tennants’ schedules, their preferences for meals, their birthdays, their vacay schedules...the works. he even knows all about his underlings AKA the bellhops, the elevator men, the maids, security personnel, repair men’s quirks and life issues (i.e. one russian chick is studying for the bar exam and odessa AKA precious is on a jamaican maid on a work visa so she’s looking for a green card husband. LOL!) his BFF is lester the doorman, and he learns that lester is planning to retire soon... the following day or so, josh finds it weird when armed men in black suits approach the tower. they go under code black (“what the hell is that?”), and josh sees poor arthur getting kidnapped via a white laundry cleaning service van! he chases after it, but then they’re surrounded by FBI agents, head by lead agent claire denham. (tea leoni) he’s all WTF, but as it turns out arthur shaw is arrested by the FBI for several SEC violations and accused of running a ponzi scheme. josh is devestated because he realizes that ALL their $ is gone. (his and everyone who works at the tower) he doesn’t know exactly how to get it back, but one drunken night, he and agent denham are having drinks after he gets fired for beating up mr. shaw’s prized 1963 ferrari 250 GT lusso (the steve mcqueen car!), and gets the idea to steal it back by breaking into shaw’s safe. so, he enlists the help of his useless bro-in-law charlie (casey affleck), this bellhop guy named enrique who used to work at the “BK” (michael pena), odessa (gabourey sidibe), mr. fitzhugh who got kicked out of the tower due to foreclosure (matthew broderick), and last but not least...slide. :P (a hilarious eddie murphy)

probably one of the best scenes in the whole movie is when slide is trying to teach the dudes how to be theives. (i.e. first lesson at the mall – “you may have stolen $50 in merchandise but i just stole $256. never trust a thief with your wallet, bitches” and when they’re on the roof of slide’s apt building- “here’s your punkass bobby pin. figure out how to unlock this door. i’m gonna go have sex with rita now” :P) everything else just leads up to the actual heist... hollywood had originally planned to make this the “black version of ocean’s 11”, and i sort of wish they stuck by that! this was entertaining enough, but i think it would have been awesome to see eddie as george and chris tucker as rusty. the two of them would have made me ROTFLMAO... :P

MONEYBALL
5 out of 5 stars

“how can you not get romantic about baseball?” – billy beane

talk about a movie that’ll make you root for the underdog! BRAVO, brad pitt! BRAVO, philip seymour hoffman! aaaaand...i can’t believe i’m saying this...BRAVO, jonah hill! :)

moneyball is based on a true story about how a general manager named billy beane and his protege decide to change the system on how to build one’s team and gain wins using player statistics, not gut instinct. it’s always going to be gamble when it comes to player performance, but sometimes you have to go with what’s concrete and tangible, not instinct... billy beane decides to test out the sabermetric theories of statistician bill james, and the results work. after a devestating loss to the yankees back in 2001, oakland athletics GM (general manager) billy beane (a terrific brad pitt) goes to his owner for more $ to recruit star players, but the owner won’t increase his player salaries budget. so, billy is basically working with pennies here, and he’s having trouble replacing 3 star players, who are now free agents. (i.e. johnny damon, jason giambi, and jason isringhausen) his scouts give him tons of suggestions and potential stars, but while on a business trip in cleveland (at the GM’s office for the cleveland indians), he runs into a young yale graduate named peter brand (jonah hill), who seems to have the ear of the GM, mark shapiro. peter and billy talk in the parking lot, and peter suggests that billy use the sabermetric approach towards building his team again, and billy ponders on it... billy then hires peter as an assistant GM, who starts doing player analysis, building a computer program and such, and they start recruiting! they end up recruiting a “submarine” pitcher named chad bradford (looked over b/c he throws “funny”), former catcher scott hatteberg (looked over for his elbow injury), and former outfielder david justice. (looked over for his age) now, how are they going to convince the head coach to use these guys? i know...trade away the star potentials to force head coach artie howe’s hand! :P

it’s a great movie about a guy who sticks by his values, and decides to take on the system that screwed him over when he was just a fresh HS recruit. EXCELLENT acting and banter between brad pitt and jonah hill!!! both were great, and they really played off of each other wonderfully. you get a good story out of this, but also a glimpse of billy’s past as well. the movie’s central character is obviously billy and how he got to the point of GM and such, but it also gives a good look at the oakland A’s history too. this one really touches the heart of baseball fans. EXCELLENT JOB!!! :)

YOUNG ADULT
3 out of 5 stars

this was a really DARK and depressing movie about a batshit crazy middle aged woman, who randomly decides to wreck her ex-BF/high school sweetheart’s marriage and win his heart back. too bad for her...almost 20 years have past and he probably doesn’t feel the same way he felt when he was 17 and in “love”? :P

so, this batshit crazy woman happens to be mercury, MN native now young adult fiction writer mavis gary. (charlize theron does bitchy VERY well- it’s scary even!) mavis is 37 years old, drinks diet coke religiously, watches the kardashians religiously, and can’t seem to let go of her high school years. she lives in a small apartment in downtown minneapolis or the “mini apple”, writes chapters via her white mac book for her waverly prep series (which she’s only just a ghost writer), and goes on OKcupid dates with randoms. then, one day while she’s trying to write chapter 1, she checks her e-mail and comes across a e-announcement announcing the birth of buddy slade’s daughter. buddy slade (mr. america AKA patrick wilson) happened to be mavis’s HS sweetheart back in the day, and somehow in that alcoholic brain of hers, she decides it’s time to win his heart back! why, you ask? who the hell knows... blame it on the maker’s mark? :P so, mavis drives back home to mercury, MN in her red mini cooper, along with doggie dolce in the back seat, checks her ass into the hampton inn, and begins “operation win buddy slade back”. but...not before she finds a bar first... she ends up in a place called woody’s, where she meets matt freehauf (patton oswalt- GREAT job!), whom she remembers as the “hate crime” guy. as it turns out, matt was gay-bashed in HS by a bunch of asshole jocks who thought he was gay, but he wasn’t... somehow, the prom queen and the gay-bashed theater geek bond over some scotch 20 some years later. life is twisted, is it not? anywayz...matt tries to convince mavis that her plan to win back buddy is stupid/CRAZY, but does she listen to sane matt? hahahaha, mavis only cares about mavis... :P

this one came from the minds of screenwriter diablo cody, who wrote juno and jennifer’s body, and director, jason reitman, who directed both juno and up in the air. the movie is well edited with lots of quirks, dark humor, and good writing, but... this one fell short because mavis could have been more developed (matt too), and you never get the sense that she decides to grow from this experience/humiliation. (unlike juno) one can’t help but hate on bitchy mavis, but at the same time, you feel sorry for her because she is clinically depressed. the bitch tries SO HARD to pretend her life is better than those living in boring mercury, but fact of the matter is...buddy and his wife are legitimately happy. (and mavis can’t STAND that!) this one should have been funnier, but wasn’t... bah, i want a movie like juno back! :/

ANONYMOUS
4 out of 5 stars

this one was interesting... it explored a good “what if”, but just wasn’t as memorable as milos forman’s amadeus. (another movie that explored a “what if” because salieri and mozart were never rivals) yes, edward de vere, the 17th earl of oxford did exist, but he didn’t write shakespeare’s plays. although check out this link, as many think he did: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxfordian_theory_of_Shakespeare_authorship

so, who was edward de vere the 17th earl of oxford? and why do many believe that he was the voice behind shakespeare? well...the movie starts with a theatrical prologue delivered by shakespeare pro/expert derk jacobi (who has probably been in every production in his lifetime), and robert cecil, earl of salisbury, is on a deep search for the remaining shakespeare manuscripts. ben jonson, a medicore playwright at the time, hides in the globe theatre, placing the precious manuscripts inside a locked trunk while cecil’s men start a fire in the theatre to smoke out poor ben... ben is then arrested and questioned by robert cecil, and the movie dives deep into edward de vere’s life AKA his childhood (when he first performed a midsummer night’s dream for the queen), when he lived under the puritan home of the cecils, and when he fell in love with the queen. we also learn that edward de vere (played by rhys ifans as the adult edward; by jamie campbell bower as a teen) had an incredible writing talent, but had to conceal it from his peers due to the fact that members of royal blood aren’t suppose to be playwrights. (leave that to the peasants, man!) so, what is edward to do? edward contacts ben jonson to publish his works under ben’s name, but... the plan backfires when a young actor named william shakespeare steps unto the stage claiming authorship after the audience demands to know who wrote henry V. thus, shakespeare takes the credit and both jonson and edward are motified since shakespeare is just some actor and a complete fame whore! but pretty soon, things get heated esp. when the cecils want james, son of mary, queen of scots to be crowned king after elizabeth’s passing, but that’s threatened by the earl of essex who claims he’s elizabeth’s son... if only they had DNA testing back in those days, right? :P

a VERY interesting story, indeed... and the story isn’t linear, which i liked. however, i felt like it focused too much on edward’s life, rather than showing us why they thought shakespeare wouldn’t have been the true author? anyway, like i said, it’s not as good as amaedus, which explored mozart’s music, his relationships with salieri and his father and wife really well, and i think that has to do with the fact that shakespeare in love really uped the ante on the sole subject of shakespeare. purists AKA real shakespeare enthusiasts would probably hate this... focuses too much on edward de vere; not enough on will. ;)

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN
4 out of 5 stars

tintin: “how’s your thirst for adventure, captain?”
capt. haddock: “unquenchable, tintin.”

not bad... spielberg tackles the animation genre, and brings the old belgium cartoon tintin unto the big screen! it definitely has the look and feel of a spielberg movie esp. certain scenes echoing his indiana jones films, but i think for a mystery, the plot was a bit too predictable and shallow. regardless, still loved it! esp. snowy... reminds me of my lil’ woofy... ;)

if you aren’t familiar with the old belgium comic strip tintin, you’re young. :P (hahahahaha, j/k...) it was a comic strip back in the 1920s – 1950s, and steven spielberg decides to educate us young folk by making it into a movie. besides who reads comic strips these days??? anyway, redhead tintin (voiced by jamie bell) finds an old ship in a bottle while browsing in an euro outdoor market with his doggie snowy, and immediately someone who looks and smells like a g-man approaches him, asking to buy it from him and such. a guy named sakharine (voiced by daniel craig) also tries to buy it from him, but tintin holds his ground and takes it home. snowy gets into a fight/chase with the neighbor’s cat, and breaks the darn thing...BUT reveals a small scroll that’ll lead tintin to an even bigger mystery! he’s then kidnapped by sakharine’s men, and imprisoned on a ship called the SS karaboujan. on board, tintin manages to escape using his mcguyver type skills, and meets up with the infamous capt. haddock (voiced by andy serkis AKA gollum!), who’s also been imprisoned/kept drunk this whole time while his crew mutinied and took over under the influence of sakharine. as it turns out, there are 3 ships that look exactly the same as the one tintin bought in the market, and sir francis haddock AKA capt. haddock’s ancestor during the days of swash-bucklin’ pirates decided to sink the treasure his ship was carrying, rather than allow it in the hands of evil pirate red rackham. so, where’s the treasure now? good question...and tintin and snowy get on the case! ;)

the production quality of this one was really well done, and you have to give extra credit points to the folks at dreamworks and team spielberg for pulling this one off. i’m not really a big fan of the quasi-real life faces in this movie because i felt like because tintin was already animated, why not just 3D-ify the characters? regardless, the action sequences in this one make up for that! the mystery, itself, was predictable even for a kid’s movie, and i guess that’s where pixar excels at. (i.e. good storytelling) still...not bad if you like good animation and cute dogs. :)

THE DESCENDANTS
5 out of 5 stars

“don’t be fooled by appearances. in hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen.” – matt king

“you give your children enough money to do something, but not enough to do nothing.” – matt king

fox searchlight pictures does it yet again! and alexander payne, director of sideways, does it yet again with another realistic/poignant/tear-jerker with humorous undertones! george clooney was nominated yet again for an oscar for his role of matt king, and he plays this clueless father of two out-of-control daughters and the results...EXCELLENT! :)

this movie starts with a beautiful middle-aged lady named elizabeth king having a blast motoboatin’ in the beautiful waters of hawaii. as it turns out, she is the wife of matthew king (george clooney), successful lawyer and land baron of thousands of acres on the island of kaua’i. elizabeth was in a motorboat accident, and is lying in a coma in queen’s hospital. matt king then learns that she’ll never wake up, and he has NO IDEA how to tell his two daughters, scottie and alex. (one is around 10? and the other is 16) in fact, he has NO IDEA how to be a parent to his daughters, since that was his wife’s job and he even calls himself the “backup parent”. he pays an impromptu visit to his daughter’s boarding school, and finds out that she is abusing alcohol and possibly drugs, and learns that alex fought constantly with elizabeth. alex finally spills the beans, and tells her clueless/workaholic father that elizabeth was cheating on him with a younger man. matt investigates by asking his friends about this mystery man, and it turns out to be...a guy named brian speer. (matthew lillard ALL GROWN UP from scooby doo!) all this is happening, yet there’s another wrench in the storyline... matt king is the descendant of a hawaiian princess who had married a caucausian banker baaaaack in the day, and he is the sole trustee of a family trust that controls 25,000 acres. the trust will expire in 7 years because of the rule against perpetuities, so the king family has decided to sell the land to a land developer named don holitzer. well, ultimately the decision is all his, so... it doesn’t help his decision when he learns that brian speer is don holitzer’s brother-in-law, and he stands to make mucho $$$$$ from commissions when the land is sold. ;)

like i said, alexander payne does it yet AGAIN! words to describe this movie: heartbreaking, bittersweet, sarcastic, realistic! if you’ve ever had to pull the plug on a loved one, this movie does it right. the relationship dynamic between matt and his daughters is quite realistic, which makes the movie more enjoyable. add the wonderful hawaiian music soundtrack... VERY GOOD. A MUST-WATCH for those who like the realistic comedy/dramedy genre. ;)

TITANIC (3D) 
5 out of 5 stars

“I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!” – jack dawson

it’s the one hundredth anniversary of the sinking of the titanic, and hollywood decides to re-release james cameron’s epic movie in 3D! i couldn’t miss out on this since titanic is one of my all-time faves. i mean...who didn’t have a major crush on leo dicaprio back in 1997/1998? ;)

do i really need to summarize this one for ya? OK, will do...just because i like summarizing movies i actually enjoyed watching. the movie starts with brock lovett (bill paxton), a deep sea scavenger leading his crew on an excavation of the sunken titanic in the middle of the north atlantic ocean. they send their little camera robot called snoopy into what was once the various first class suites of the titanic, and find an old safe. brock thinks the heart of the ocean AKA a beautiful blue diamond necklace in the shape of heart that was once one of the crown jewels of louis XVI is in this safe, but when they crack that baby open...NADA. no diamond, but they find a charcoal rendering of a beautiful young naked woman wearing the necklace. brock is then interviewed by TV reporters for this excavation and the discovery of the drawing, and it gets the attention of an old memaw named rose calvert. (gloria stuart...aww, R.I.P.) memaw comes aboard brock’s ship, and begins to tell the tale of how she was engaged to cruel/pretentious cal hockley (billy zane- god, what happened to his career?), how she had to deal with her even more pretentious/overbearing mother ruth (frances fisher), and how she fell in love with a guy/artist named jack dawson. (leonardo dicaprio- god, such a baby face as opposed to bloated now! :P) young rose (kate winslet- i think liked her when she was fat) decides to end her life one night, but jack saves her... he gets invited to dine in first class as a thanku, and of course, it all goes downhill from there when the ship starts sinking after hitting a large iceberg... to quote fall out boy...”sugar, we’re going down swinging!” :P

like i said, this movie is one of my all-time faves just because i fell in love with it in 7th grade, and i was really excited to hear that they were re-releasing it in 3D. EVEN better than the original because of the 3D elements! (i.e. the water gushing during the sinking, leo and kate’s faces popping out from the screen, the titanic in 3D herself) still love the art direction, the acting, the beautiful james horner soundtrack, the special effects, the storyline, and of course, the relationship between jack and rose. still cried during the sinking and beyond... ESPECIALLY the scene when rose and jack are in the frozen waters of the atlantic, waiting to be rescued... one of my favorite dialogue scenes:

jack: “winnning that ticket, rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. and i’m thankful for that, rose. i’m thankful. you must do me this honor. promise me you’ll survive. that you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. promise me now, rose, and never let go of that promise.”
rose: “i promise.”
jack: “never let go.”
rose: “i’ll never let go, jack. i’ll never let go.”

:’)

HOP
3 out of 5 stars

this was more of a 2 star movie, but in the spirit of easter...i gave it a 3. i recommend eating mini cadbury creme eggs with this one. the sugar from the choc eggs will alleviate you from the cheesiness oozing from this one... ;)

this one is one of those half live-action half animation movies... these types bother me to the max, but i’ll summarize this one for ya: e.b. (voiced by russell brand) is the teenage son of the easter bunny (voiced by hugh laurie), who doesn’t want to take over the role of easter bunny, and just want to be a drummer instead. he runs away from easter island (his home), and uses the rabbit hole transporter to travel to “where dreams come true” AKA hollywood! there...he tries to stay with hugh hefner at the playboy bunny mansion (LOL), and while he’s crossing the street, he gets hit by a guy named fred o’hare. (james marsden- seriously? is this what you do in between x-men movies? :P) fred is a 20 something slacker-type, whose been living with his parents for a year, and can’t seem to land a job... after a family intervention during dinner, his loving sister sam asks fred to house-sit for her boss’s home in beverly hills since fred has no place to live. after hitting poor e.b. on the street, fred takes in the “crippled” bunny, and e.b. starts trashing the master bedroom, leaving carrots everywhere, and even leaving the jacuzzi on! (which results to bubbles EVERYWHERE!!!) all e.b. wants in life is to become a famous drummer, and he makes a deal with fred that he’ll get out of fred’s life forever if he just drives him to the hoff knows talent audition. (that’s right- david hasselhoff is sole judge in this world. HAH!) however, back on easter island... the chicks led by #2 chick carlos (voiced by hank azaria) decide to take over the easter candy factory. UH OH. :P

just because it’s a kid’s movie doesn’t mean it has to be cheesy... also, i really hate half live-action and half animation. the mix of the two really bothers me because i feel like if it’s going to be animation...IT SHOULD BE ANIMATION ALL THE WAY. also, this storyline is really shallow and the human storyline i.e. fred’s story of how he became the first human easter bunny was...stupid. it would have been a stronger movie if they just focused on e.b.’s life, and cut fred out. (sorry, fred...) oh well... at least i had some delicious cadbury creme eggs to savor while watching this one. ohhhhh cadbury, how i love you. :)

FRIGHT NIGHT
3 out of 5 stars

this 1985 remake was better than i had expected! this is one of those horror comedy genre hybrid movies, but there wasn’t much comedy or vampire humor... plus, the boy/girl relationship was very twilight-y in the tween sense, but redeemed itself a little with colin farrell’s hotness and david tennant’s crazy/drunk magician persona. can’t go wrong with a drunk magician! :P

so, if you haven’t seen the 1985 version, the story goes as such... charley brewster (anton yelchin from j.j. abrams’ star trek) is a normal 16 year old boy, living in the suburban section of las vegas, with his mom jane. (toni collette) he even has a hottie GF named amy, who drives a lime green VW beetle, and loves charley like crazy. (even tho he’s a little bit of a dweeb) in a scene sim. to the roll call scene from ferris bueller’s day out, charley notices that a LOT of kids are missing in class. he looks at his former BFF ed (christopher mintz-plasse), who wants to meet after school to discuss something really “important”. they meet at their friend adam’s house, and ed tells charley that jerry (colin farrell who is smokin’ hott!), charley’s neighbor, is a VAMPIRE. charley doesn’t believe ed at all, but then ed is attacked by jerry and doesn’t show up to class the following day. charley decides to do his own investigating by breaking into jerry’s house, doing vampire research at school, and even seeking out the one and only peter vincent, the crazy self-proclaimed vampire hunter and magician who is currently performing at the hard rock hotel & casino. (david tennant- provides most of the comedic moments) peter vincent proves to be pretty much useless when he kicks out poor charley from his apt, so it’s up to charley to take on the 400 year old vamp by himself to protect amy and his mom....from being jerry’s “snacks”. :P

like i said, the story is OK and predictable, but both colin farrell and david tennant really act well in their respective roles. the boy/girl relationship is very cliche, so no imagination there... the graphics for the title/end credits were very well done and stylized, so extra points for that. overall, dreamworks did a good job revamping an 80s original, but how come i didn’t laugh once? they spent waaaaay too much time perfecting jerry’s vamp/demony face and not enough time writing the jokes... :/

FOOTLOOSE
3 out of 5 stars

“i’m turning it LOOSE!!!”

the 1984 cult classic, which launched kevin bacon into stardom, gets revamped and the results are...satisfying. it would never out-do the original, but this one is good enough for 2011, i think... if ONLY kevin bacon had decided to star as 2011’s ren’s dead-beat dad. then, this movie would have been SOLID. maaaaaaan... :P

anyway, this movie starts out with a high school barn dance party in bomont, GA, where everyone is dancing and having a blast. it’s some HS senior party, and five kids get into a car to head home. while they’re car dancing and listening to “footloose”, the driver kisses his girl, then they crash into a semi... as it turns out, the driver was rev. moore’s son bobby, and the whole town of bomont is devestated by this tragedy. consequently, the city council decides to outlaw public dancing, and it’s been the law ever since. FF to 3 years later... cityboy and boston native (they changed it this time) ren mccormack (newbie kenny wormald) arrives in bomont. his mother died from leukemia, so his uncle wesley decided to take him in. his uncle even gives ren the trademark yellow VW beetle, and ren fixes her up in no time! ren even goes to church on sundays with his uncle, and meets the beautiful ariel (julianne hough- DWTS’s derek hough’s lil sis), rev. moore’s daughter. ariel has turned into a wild child ever since her brother’s death by getting involved with this hick-ass race car driver named chuck and even gets caught dancing at the snack bar afterhours with ren. ren doesn’t understand why dancing is banned in this town, so he decides to change things for the senior class of bomont high. but not before teaching willard how to dance, dancing his heart out at the warehouse, and hosting prom night at the cotton gin he works at... ;)

like i said, this version would never outdo the original, but it had some good revamped moments. my two fave scenes: when the kids go dancing at some city cowboy bar and country line dance their hearts out AND the infamous prom night dance sequence. both kenny and julianne are great dancers, but leave it to the class of 1984 to show you TRUE dancing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0JBSLO_O14

;)

THE HELP
5 out of 5 stars

“you is kind. you is smart. you is important.”
– aibileen clark

“fried chicken just tends to make you feel better about life.” – minny jackson

probably one of THE most touching, heartfelt, uplifting stories i’ve seen in a while. when it comes to african american civil rights, there’s something about it that gets you teary-eyed and wondering how far this country has come from the days of good ol’ fashioned racism. however, this isn’t so much a political movie, but a movie about the human spirit, really... octavia spencer, who plays sassy minny, got an oscar for her role, and she totally deserved that oscar gold! BRAVO performances all around including viola davis, emma stone, jessica chastain, and even allison janney! :)

the movie starts out with eugenia “skeeter” phalan (emma stone) interviewing aibileen the maid (an awesome viola davis) in her kitchen in jackson, mississippi in the 1960s. skeeter gets a glimpse of aibileen’s life when she asks how it feels to raise a white child while her own child is being looked after at home, and aibileen responds by describing her connection with mae mobley, the daughter of her employers, the leefolts. she loves that baby with her whole heart, and mae mobley seems to love her back... we then see that skeeter is back in jackson upon graduating from college (she went to ole miss AKA univ. of mississippi), and she decides to interview at the jackson journal so that she could gain some writing experience. (her ultimate goal is to become a novelist at harper and row in NYC) we learn that skeeter comes from a really good family who owns a massive cotton farm/plantation in jackson, and she’s also part of the junior league. (social elite of jackson) the head of this clique happens to be racist hilly holbrook (a bitchy bryce dallas howard), and she and her friends treat their maids really awfully i.e. making them use a seperate bathroom, being verbally abusive, and firing them for unfair reasons. during a bridge game that the junior league is hosting, skeeter asks elizabeth if it’d be OK with her to interview aibileen for her cleaning column, but elizabeth wonders why skeeter can’t interview her own maid. she reveals that her maid, constantine, had quit and moved to chicago...which isn’t entirely true. (we later find out the truth and it’s so hearbreakingly sad...) skeeter’s interviews for cleaning tips then turn into something more when skeeter decides to write a book from the maid’s perspective. what she’s decided to do, of course, is completely illegal in 1960s jackson AKA where the KKK will blindly shoot a colored person for speaking out, but skeeter convinces aibileen to share her life stories with her. pretty soon, minny (a firecracker and extra sassy octavia spencer) joins in, and gives skeeter the ultimate story. (hint: it has to do with a “chocolate” pie :P)

overall, WATCH THIS NOW if you haven’t seen it yet! it’s a wonderful story about how two headstrong maids and a headstrong white girl decide it was time to let the truth out. like i said, it’s a story about the human spirit in a time when racism in this country was tolerated. (such a damn shame...) OUTSTANDING performances all around esp. octavia spencer and viola davis. the character of minny brough the humor, and aibileen was the tears... being black in 1960s jackson wasn’t easy, and boy, you get right down to the core with this. ;) (even moreso than any other civil rights movie)

IN TIME
2 out of 5 stars

“for few to be immortal, many must die.”

the concept of one’s wealth being measured by time instead of good ol’ fashioned moolah is intriguing, however the execution of this movie was not... plus, justin timberlake in a DRAMATIC role? are you kidding me? riiiight.... could have had better casting, IMO. :/

this movie starts out with factory worker will salas (justin timberlake) waking up in the morning, and wishing his mother (olivia wilde) “happy birthday”. she may be 50 in real time, but she looks not a day over 25... that’s because in this world, NO ONE ages past 25, and your “clock” (looks like a glow-in-da-dark timer on your forearm) starts. most usually have about a year, and they time out... however, the rich can live forever, and they mostly live in a luxurious city called new greenwich. time can also be transferred from one another via skin contact, FYI... anyway, will works literally day by day acquiring his precious hours, and while one crazy night at the bar with his friend from the factory (i can't remember his name...it's like bartel or something), he sees henry hamilton (matt bomer from USA’s white collar) buying people drinks and flashing his 116 hour “clock”. gangsters called the minute men arrive, lead by some british thug named fortis (alex pettyfer- HOTT!), want to steal henry’s time, but will decides to be a hero and interferes... they run and hide out, and that’s when henry tells will that he’s really 105 years old, the truth about the system, and even transfers his time to will while will is sleeping. henry leaves about 5 minutes to himself, and times out on a bridge... now that will has all this time, he decides to give some to his friend, his mom, and god knows who else. however, his mom ends up timing out on the way back from paying all her bills, and will decides to seek revenge by traveling to new greenwich, where he meets the beautiful sylvia (a redhead amanda seyfried) and her controlling father philippe weis. (vincent kartheiser AKA pete campbell from mad men!) of course, a movie without an antagonist isn’t a real movie... so, there’s timekeeper raymond leon (cillian murphy) trailing will’s movements...

like i said, the concept of this movie was pretty original and intriguing, but the lack of good acting, the choppy editing, so-so script...MEH. justin timberlake needs to stick with comedies because he really is a funny guy, and leave the dramas to someone else who can cry better than he can. amanda is just annoying, and cillian...CREEP. i wished the characters were better developed, and all the bank robbery/bonnie & clyde-esque shit was boring. where’s the conspiracy? how did will’s father really die? who really was henry hamilton? why wasn’t this movie as good as gattaca or lord of war? (same director!) NONE of my questions answered... THANKS, hollywood. :/

THE IDES OF MARCH
4 out of 5 stars

ahh...the wonderful world of (dirty) politics... we enter a world that’s all about “fucking someone over” so you could further ur own agenda. hey, why not? we’re all in it to win it, right? integrity, smhtegrity... :P

plotwise, this was a film adaptation of beau willimon’s 2008 play “farragut north”, and it starts out with a boyish, handsome guy named stephen meyers (ryan gosling- HOTT!), junior campaign manager for governor mike morris of PA (george clooney- NAILING this role!), making sure everything is perfect for the debate later on that evening with the governor’s opposing rival sen. ted pullman for the ohio primary. we learn that stephen works for the senior campaign manager, paul zara (philip seymour hoffman- EXCELLENT in this role!), whose sort of a mentor to young stephen, and they exchange words with tom duffy (paul giamatti- EXCELLENT in this role!) about how duffy’s guy pullman is gonna lose to their man. but then, while paul is off schmoozing sen. thompson for his 365 delegates (they need those votes in order to win OH), duffy calls up stephen posing as his dad, and asking to meet with him in some sports bar. stephen doesn’t really know what to do, but meets with him anyway... as it turns out, duffy offers stephen the opportunity to come work for him and pullman’s campaign, stating that the republicans are going to vote for pullman because they hate morris and don’t want him winning the democratic nomination. stephen is caught in a pickle, but there’s bigger fish to fry... he ends up hooking up with one of the interns named molly (evan rachel wood) working on the campaign, and finds out a very dirty secret involving her and his beloved governor... (when he pieces it together, RG’s face is PRICELESS.)  while he's trying to "fix" this situation with the intern, he learns that someone had leaked his meeting with duffy and a pesky NY times reporter named ida (marissa tomei) is trying to blackmail him for info. on the secret meeting with sen. thompson.  then...he gets a big lecture from paul re: loyalty and trust, and gets fired.  i guess fortunately for stephen, he's got that dirty card up his sleeve and he's gonna work for duffy/pullman now, right?  think again... this is POLITICS, remembaaaaa? :P 

honestly, if the movie was just about paul and tom...it would have been 5 stars/AWESOME. but, the focus for this one was more on stephen and the govenor, and i thought the characters could have been fleshed out some more. the script alone is EXCELLENT (it was derived from a play so DUH), and the cast/acting is excellent as well. that scene in the restaurant kitchen is INTENSE. (could cut that tension with a steak knife) also, talk about a movie where back-stabbing is the name of the game. and...stephen’s transformation from idealist to cynic is incredible. ;)   

HUGO
5 out of 5 stars

“maybe that’s why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn’t able to do what it was meant to do… maybe it’s the same with people. If you lose your purpose…it’s like you’re broken.” – hugo

OMG, EXCELLENT MOVIE!!! such a sweet story about a little boy who lives in the paris train station and his determination to find out the toy shop owner’s past. this one made me laugh, cry, and appreciate the art of (early) cinema even more… BRAVO, MARTIN SCORSESE!!! ;)

asa butterfield AKA bruno in the boy with the striped pajamas stars in this movie as 12 year old hugo, a son of a clockmaker (jude law), who unfortunately dies from a fire at the museum he works at. but before he died, hugo’s father had found an automaton (sort of a wind-up robot) that could write, and he and hugo were working on fixing him up to see what sort of message this thing could write. But hugo’s father dies, and his drunk-ass uncle claude (ray winstone) takes custody of young hugo, making him into his apprentice, so he could sneak off to bars while hugo can cover for him and fix the clocks at the paris train station. so, while hugo is fixing the clocks and stuff, he observes many different characters at the train station i.e. the station inspector (a hilarious sacha baron cohen) and his bum leg and canine companion maximillian, lisette the flower vendor (emily mortimer), and georges the old toy shop owner. (a wonderful ben kingsley) one day, hugo decides to steal a toy mouse from old georges’ shop, but then gets caught! he’s forced to empty his pockets, and old georges takes his beloved notebook, which belonged to his father. it’s the only memory he’s got left of his father, so he’s determined to get it back! he follows george home, where he runs into a young girl named isabelle (a sweet chloe moretz), who decides to help him get his notebook back, so he can finish fixing the automaton. hugo discovers that isabelle has the heart shaped key to turn on the automaton, and the message from the lil’ robot leads to uncovering georges’ film-making past. ;)

this movie should have been best picture of the year (2012), but i believe it went to the artist because that one had an original storyline, wheras this was an adaptation from a children’s story. REGARDLESS…what a sweet story! even the back story of george melies won me over! the script is well written, the beautiful cinematography (scorsese does it again), the narrative, even the acting is just wonderful! this one shows us that good filmmaking is all about good storytelling, and boy… scorsese sure shows us how it’s done. ;)

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN: PART 1
2 out of 5 stars

“no measure of time with you will be long enough. but we’ll start with forever.” – edward

it took me a month to finally come around to watching this, and i just did not know why... but now i know! deep down inside, i probably knew that i would hate this becuz i’m not an angsty teenage girl wanting desperately to have sex? this movie is all about edward and bella doing the nasty and the consequences from that... :P

breaking dawn or should we say...breaking hymen starts with bella trying on her wedding shoes, alice being wedding planner, and jacob angrily going off into the woods after receiving an invitation to bella’s wedding. bella (kristen stewart AKA kstew or quiverlips) is nervous about the whole thing, and edward (robert pattinson AKA rpatz) even tries to convince her out of it...especially the turning her into a vampire part. the wedding is quite beautiful, and probably the best scene in the entire movie... (the toast montage is awkward and amusing!) even jacob shows up to give his congratulations to the new bride and groom, but then gets angry when bella tells him she wants to consumate the marriage on their honeymoon while human... REGARDLESS...bella and edward go on their honeymoon down to rio de janeiro, and have all kinds of bed-breaking sex and play chess too! bella realizes she’s preggers when she throw up upon eating some half-cooked chicken (i would have thought food poisoning but OK...), and edward immediately decides to go back to forks so that carlisle can get rid of “it”. well, bella decides to keep her baby even though “it” is slowly destroying her... does bella go through with the pregnancy? hahahaha, it’s a twilight movie! ;)

overall, it’s OK but there’s a ton of special effects and lots of awkward/angsty moments throughout the whole movie. like i said, the wedding and honeymoon were done really well, but the whole pregnancy and then the werewolves trying to kill it...meh. (and ironically, that’s where all the action took place!) jacob and his involvement in this whole situation makes this one convoluted because i guess bella still “loves” him/wants to keep him around, but i guess if you run out of antagonists...stick with the werewolves? idunno... it’s just how long will the whole vamp vs. werewolf plot go on now? one more movie AKA breaking dawn: part 2? ugh...i’ll skip it in the theater and just watch it via my netflix. :P (will probably take me a month to watch that one too! HAH!)