OUR IDIOT BROTHER
4 out of 5 stars

“you know, he’s just a little boy. little boys fight. doesn’t mean he’s going to grow up to be a frat-boy rapist.” – the one and only nedrick rochlin re: his nephew river

LOL, this movie was very touching and heartfelt! we really shouldn’t be calling ned an idiot per se because he’s essentially just a really really really nice guy whose naive and clueless about...well, life. :P

ned (played wonderfully by paul rudd) is a free-lovin’ hippie who lives on a farm waaaaay the hell out in rural NY, growing all the pot he can smoke + all the vegetables he can grow with his GF janet and canine companion named willie nelson. one fine day, ned is approached by a cop who wants some MJ, and ned giving into the cop’s story of having a “bad day”, sells him some. ned is arrested, thrown in jail, but then the prison releases him early because of his good behavior. too bad for ned, his GF has moved on, and kicks him out. (he even loses custody of his dog!) so, he moves back home to live with his mom, but then he also stays with each of his sisters, who really don’t want him around... they are: 1) liz- a frumpy emily mortimer whose got a cheating husband and is overwhelmed by motherhood 2) miranda- bitchy and bossy elizabeth banks who is a writer/journalist for vanity fair magazine and in love with her neighbor jeremy but doesn’t know it yet 3) natalie- a hipster zooey deschanel...when is she NOT a hipster in a movie?! all 3 can’t stand ned interfering with their lives, but then they realize he only means well. ;)

it’s a good movie about the importance of siblings and family in general. whether you like it or not, family is family... the character of ned is a great one, but it would have been even better if the sisters were just as developed as he was. (i.e. arrested development) i think that’s pretty much what they were going for, but this one fell short. but one thing is for certain....paul rudd sure can play a free-loading hippie well. ;)

CARS 2
4 out of 5 stars

“do not try the free pistachio ice cream! it done turn!” – mater

i never saw the original cars movie, but i thought i’d give cars 2 a chance because i love how pixar can give life to anything...toys, a rat who likes to cook, monsters, even cars! ;)

lightning mcqueen (voiced by owen wilson) and his BFF tow mater (voiced by larry the cable guy) are baaaaack, and the race is on in japan, italy and england! an electric car billionaire named sir axelrod is hosting the world grand prix, and an italian race car named francesco talks the talk egging on lightning to participate in the WGP. so, lightning and mater travel to tokyo, japan, where they watch sumo car wrestling, experience the streets of tokyo, and mater even gets a taste of “pistachio ice cream.” :P but when mater makes a total fool of himself at the WGP reception, he runs into a secret agent working with finn mcmissile (voiced by michael caine) and holly shiftwell (voiced by emily mortimer), part of british intelligence trying to infiltrate and gather intelligence on known villain prof. Z and his mystery accomplice, whose trying to sabotage the race. mater gets involved in international espionage, and pretty soon...he’s turned into super agent mater! :P

now, if you’re gonna critique a pixar movie, you gotta compare it to ALL the other pixar movies they’ve ever created. this one falls a little short because they are cars afterall, but still cute with a good message i.e. friends always stick together and be happy with who you are, etc. (typical disney message...we get it) my fave part though was when mater is trying to escape from the villain’s HQs, and he’s accidentally voice-activating his new “features”. HILARIOUS... i thought the voice of larry the cable guy was PERFECT for mater, and the same goes for the british intelligence agent cars. it’s nice to see personalities in each car, but i think it could have been wittier. too geared towards kids and they dumbed it down too much... like mater, i don’t think pixar/disney should underestimate the intelligence of kids these days. ;)

BAD TEACHER
2 out of 5 stars

man... elizabeth halsey is one baaaaaaaad teacher. she’s crass, a gold diggin’ whore, and probably the worst teacher whose ever graced the profession. (if we can even call her a teacher b/c she doesn’t really teach...) cameron diaz nails as the hottie elizabeth, but the rest of the movie....ehh, not so much. :/

so, the movie starts with teachers popping champagne, and they’re celebrating the end of the school year. as it turns out, elizabeth hasley (cameron diaz) is leaving john adams middle school for good (so she thinks) because she’s got a rock on her finger, and a brand spankin’ new mercedes ready to GTFO of this school. she HATES teaching, but comes back to it because her rich fiance dumps her after realizing that she’s nothing but a gold diggin’ whore... :P things are looking bleak for literally poor elizabeth, until scott the new substitute teacher arrives at JAMS. (justin timberlake- ugh... worst role yet!) she immediately sinks her claws into him, but he seems to like another teacher...amy squirrel. (that’s right...just like the animal. :P) she’s determined to win his heart AND his wallet, but maybe she’ll decide to go for funny gym teacher russell? (jason segel) sort of a rom com, so predict the obvious. ;)

this had potential to be great, but acting sucks all around esp. JT. pleeeeeease stick with the music! unless it’s a really funny role i.e. SNL. the character of amy squirrel was just annoying, and i thought this could have been way funnier. some moments were good esp. the principal and his obsession with dolphins and the use of the annie wig. question: was this made by the same ppl who gave us bad santa?! if so, WTF happened?! :/

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN:
ON STRANGER TIDES
4 out of 5 stars

“who’s to say i won’t live forever? but, you know what? it’s a pirate’s life for me, savvy?”
– capt. jack sparrow (THE ONE AND ONLY)

i wouldn’t say it’s as good as the original (nothing ever beats the original(s) of any movie, really), but it’s still just as good and witty. capt. jack sparrow is baaaaaack for a high-seas adventure, but sans (w/o) pussy-ass will turner or keira knightley. (GOOD!) instead, all the good regulars AKA barbossa (geoffrey rush), jack’s dad- a brief cameo (LOL, keith richards) and newbies angelica (penelope cruz) and blackbeard (ian mcshane) join in on the quest to find the fountain of youth. ;)

so, essentially, the movie starts with some spanish fishermen, who help out an old man caught in their fishing net. they bring the old man to their king, who decides to seek out the “fountain of youth” immediately. meanwhile, in london, capt. jack sparrow is supposedly to hang for his crimes on the high seas. as it turns out, it’s not really jack, but master gibbs, his first mate! :P so, where is jack? well, disguised as the judge of his own trial, of course! (such a cunning bastard!) turns out, he’s planned this elaborate escape, but then ends up in a shackled meeting with the king because king george wants jack to help capt. barbossa find the fountain of youth before the spaniards do. jack escapes...duh, but only to find out who’s been circulating a rumor that he’s procuring a crew in order to find the fountain of youth... as it turns out, he finds the imposter to be none other than his former flame...angelica, who happens to also be blackbeard’s daughter. he unwillingly ends up as a crew member on blackbeard’s ship, the queen anne’s revenge, and tries to come up with ways to get out of helping blackbeard...LOL. :P

i just love the character, jack sparrow, and johnny depp plays him soooooo well! he truly makes these pirate movies worthwhile, and it looks like the entire cast had fun playing their respective characters. BEST scenes: when jack escapes after his “meeting” with king george, the peg leg flask scene with barbossa, the fight scene between the redcoats and angelica & jack, intro. scene of the mermaids, the mutiny and intro. scene of blackbeard, and of course, the ending. it’s a FUNNY and swash bucklin’ movie feat. our favorite pirate...capt. jack. what’s there not to love? ;)

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
5 out of 5 stars

“jack?! JACK?! i’m only an elected official! i can’t make decisions by myself!!!” – the mayor

i don’t think there’s anyone who would hate on this stop-motion classic made by tim burton! at a short 70-some minutes, i only wish this movie was longer... all the songs are great and of course, the animation is really well-produced. the characters are gothic yet cute, and the story is quite an original one. ;) (read futher if you’ve never seen this yet)

skeleton jack the pumpkin king is tired of the same halloween year after year after year, and as he walks throughout the night, he and his ghost dog find themselves at the door of different holidays. he opens the door to the one with a christmas tree, and falls into a world filled with elves, lights, snow, and of course, santa claus! jack comes back to halloweentown with new ideas to revamp halloween, but in the process of revamping, he decides to take over christmas entirely. probably not the best idea, but jack goes ahead and gets the townsfolk to participate in all endeavors i.e. getting the trick-or-treaters to kidnap poor santa, getting sally to make his santa outfit, getting the professor to create his sleigh and “reindeer”, and all others to make “christmas gifts”. but taking over another’s holiday is obviously NOT the greatest idea esp. when christmas and halloween are as night and day... it’s a really cute story with tons of songs and great animation. E.G.:

“in this town, we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song!”

:)