RANGO
5 out of 5 stars

“no man can walk out on his own story.” – spirit of the west

SO CUTE!!! AND SO ORIGINAL!!! such a wonderful story about an ordinary chameleon that saves a western town from dehydration!!! :) :) :)

this was the perfect movie to watch this summer! so, WHO IS RANGO?! well, he’s a lonely green chameleon living in a glass box with his plastic fishy friend lars, on the move with his owners via a road trip through the mojave desert... their car swerves out of control when an aardvark decides to cross the road without warning, and rango (voiced by none other than johnny depp) is plunged into the “real world”. as he’s making his way through the desert i.e. trying not to become a hawk’s next meal, the aardvark tells him to go find the town of dirt, and he comes across miss beans (voiced by isla fisher), a female lizard, who has a tendency of blanking out as a defense mechanism. as it turns out, the town of dirt is in dire need of a sheriff AND water, thus rango decides to sign up for the job! little does he know that he’s about to step into the conspiracy re: the "loss" of water in the town, rattlesnake jake, and roadkill and his burrowing boys, bank thieves trying to steal the remaining water reserve... never a dull moment out in the old wild west! ;)

really off-beat and quirky, but i still enjoyed it! the characters are well thought-out, well written, and also the movie is well produced. rango, himself, is a deep character for a chameleon, and i would say this is a bit too sophisticated for kids. adults would enjoy this more due to the fact that there are a lot of references to other western movies a la style of dirty harry. my favorite characters, of course, is the owl mariachi band! i just love the mix of mexican, native american, and simply old wild west culture in this movie about sticking to who you truly are. especially if you are a hero at heart!  VAMOS RANGO!!! ;)

RED RIDING HOOD
2 out of 5 stars

it looks like a growing trend in hollywood now is the revamping of fairytales... but this one is just FAIL. :/

lookin’ like they filmed this on some set designed to be a random euro village in the middle ages... little red riding hood is transformed into a blond big-eyed teenage girl named valerie (amanda seyfried), whose fallen in love with her BFF and soul mate, woodcutter peter. it’s just too bad that she’s already got a pre-arranged marriage going by her parents (virginia madsen and OMG, it’s bella swan’s dad!), to the richest guy in the village. (he’s also a blacksmith) aaaaand while she’s flirting/making lovey dovey eyes with peter in the woods, the wolf AKA werewolf attacks/kills her sister... the villagers decide to take down the werewolf in its lair, but people get attacked, so the head priest in the village makes the executive decision to bring in an “expert” AKA gary oldman in knight armor! he and his soldiers try to take down the werewolf, but the wolf only wants one person. want to take a guess to who it is? ;)

i can’t believe i’m saying this but... i think i’d rather watch twilight: new moon again than this craptacular movie. a werewolf?! REALLY?! way to literally DESTROY a children’s classic, hollywood! this deserves only 1 star, but i gave it extra points for a pretty good plot twist towards the very end. if the werewolf turned out to the peter, i probably would have stuck by my decision and give it the one this deserved... lots of eye-rolling moments esp. between valerie and peter and the whole love triangle thing, but then again, this would be perfect for the teenager in the household. but then again, any sensible teenager would probably pick the twilight series over this crap. at least with twilight, you get the angst and taylor lautner’s sixpack. this? all you’re going to get is gary oldman’s awful eastern european accent... :P

THE LINCOLN LAWYER
3 out of 5 stars

not really sure why netflix thought i’d give this a 4, when it’s really a 3! reason(s) being: some big plot holes here and there, lack of character development, and matthew mcconaughey! :P

the lincoln lawyer (novel by michael connelly) is all about defense attorney, michael haller (mcconaughey), who represents the scum of the earth in the awesome city that is los angeles. riding around his old school lincoln towncar, he meets with clients from crack hos to rich real estate agents who may have a grudge against women i.e. louis roulet. (an angry ryan philippe) he actually reluctantly takes on louis’s case, since he needs a client that will pay. thus, he and his private investigator (a hilarious william h. macy) team up to provide louis with the best defense $ can buy! however, michael’s consciousness gets the better of him when he discovers that louis has been hiding some key things from him i.e. killing another pro, lying about his knife, and fabricating the entire story that he was assaulted first in the victim’s apartment... however, mick is obligated to provide louis with the best service he can fake in the courtroom. you wondering yet if the lawyer can outsmart his cunning client? let’s just say this isn’t that movie fracture, which was 10X better! this just goes limp... :/

now... if ryan philippe played the EXACT SAME CHARACTER as he did in cruel intentions, this would have probably earned a 4. but he didn’t... WHY NOT, RYAN?!? plus, points deducted for not explaining louis roulet’s full motive, his psyche, and his relationship with his mother. (i had a hard time believing the rape trauma story for some reason- probably b/c IT DIDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.) matthew mcconaughey proves yet again that he’s a great actor when it comes to lawyer roles, but this character seemed to have more demons then mcconaughey was letting on... it’s OK, but there are some significant plot holes that were never answered, which frustrated me... i.e. the plot-twist that wasn’t really a twist AT ALL! however, points are given for an excellent soundtrack and good style. that gritty LA color filtering was PERFECT for this movie... ;)

THE SWITCH
2 out of 5 stars

jennifer aniston and jason bateman team up in this rom-com (but is it, really?) about sperm donation and fathering a child that “might” be yours… if only you could remember what happened the night of your BFF’s “i’m getting pregnant” party? :P

this movie should be retitled as “why a straight guy can’t be a girl’s BFF” because OBVIOUSLY HE’S GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. with that said… :P the plot: wally mars (bateman) is BFF’s with a woman named kassie (aniston), who wants to have a baby via sperm donation/artifical insemination. her biological clock is ticking, so she decides to have a baby without going through the motions of finding mr. right. wally has a big problem with that for some reason i.e. he’s in love with her, but just doesn’t know it yet… anyway, kassie goes through with her plan, finds a donor named roland (hottir/mr. america patrick wilson), and even throws a “i’m getting pregnant” party to kick things off! well, here comes the curveball because wally gets stupid-drunk, and accidentially replaces his “seed” with roland’s. LOL, let’s just say it involves diane sawyer, a viking, and too much alcohol… :P well…fast forward 7 years later, wally meets up with kassie and her son sebastian at a chinatown restaurant, and he’s almost a carbon copy of wally. now only if wally can remember that fateful night, right?

mindyou, this is NOT a rom com, but more of a rom drama. there are a lot of dramatic moments than funny, which is a shame because jason bateman is a pretty funny guy. jeff goldblum steals every scene he’s in as the boss/friend of wally’s and so does juliette lewis, whose always some sort of hippie chick on drugs in every movie she’s in? the lil’ kid who plays sebastian is actually really cute, but boy, he is a STRANGE child… bateman and aniston have good chemistry, which makes this tolerable. is it good? meh… i think it’s one of those movies where if you like it, it means you’ve got a soft spot for happy endings. ;)

TANGLED
4 out of 5 stars

“RAPUUUUUNZEL! LET DOWN YOUR HAAAAAAAAIR!”

it certainly has been a while since disney had done an animation movie w/o the help of pixar… and, the results are WONDERFUL. thoroughly enjoyed this revamped classic tale of rapunzel and her golden lock hair! ;)

once upon a time… (soooo appropro to start off the review with this) there was a magical flower. and, this flower had the awesome ability to heal the sick. however, an evil hag named mother gothel found this flower first, and kept it to herself, so she could stay young forever. well… all that was about to change because the queen got really sick during childbirth, and the king ordered his men to find this healing flower at all costs. the knights found the flower, and the king had the queen drink a tea made with the magical abilities of the flower… the queen gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named rapunzel, but later that night, mother gothel kidnapped her! gothel decides to raise lil’ rapunzel as her own, but only because of her magical hair and what it does to her face… 18 years later, rapunzel is all grown up, and wants to go out and experience the world, only to be denied by mother gothel for obvious reasons. but one day, her “prince charming” climbs into the tower, where she’s locked away, and he helps her escape. (well, only because he’s a thief and she has his satchel with his stolen crown in it… :P)

SUPER cute movie, and soooooo well animated! the characters have depth, and the story is a great revamp of the classic tale of rapunzel. my only gripe is that the songs aren't as memorable as they should be i.e. princess & the frog.  that's a classic that can be added to the likes of lion king, lil' mermaid, etc...  but i just love the lil’ chameleon pascal and the horse maximus who acts like a german shepherd! (LOL) they may not have speaking roles, but their facial expressions are priceless… this movie is great for kids and adults alike. only because the message about pursuing your dream is a good one, plus we sort of live in a world, where fairytales aren’t being told no more. it’s refreshing to see that disney does it ONCE AGAIN, proving that they’re willing to provide us with more stories for generations to come… ;)

THE RITE
3 out of 5 stars

i decided to try a reli-horror for a change, and actually this one proved to be quite good! i think it’s because anthony hopkins is such a GREAT actor, and he most certainly plays a retired priest quite well... ;)

so, as you can tell from the title, the rite is about the vatican’s exorcism school. well, sorta... it starts off with a guy named michael kovak, who is the son of a mortician, and he’s been helping his father prepare dead bodies for funerals his whole life. he wants a change in his life, so he decides to go to seminary school, since the church is willing to pay for his college education... he fails theology, and the father superior wonders why that is the case. michael states that he’s lost his faith, so the father superior suggests that he take a course on exorcism at the vatican. michael travels to rome, where he is asked to help out father lucas with his exorcisms because his unorthodox methods might change michael’s mind about christianity and his faith in god. so, father lucas’s first client/patient arrives at his home, and it’s a pregnant sixteen year old girl. it’s hard to believe that there’s a demon living inside of this girl, but wait until you see “it” come out... ;)

it’s hard to believe in such a thing like demonic possession, but you wonder if it truly exists... i mean, if there’s a god there surely is a devil, right? what’s interesting is that this was a true story, and father lucas is a real person, performing real exorcisms in italy! (apparently there are lot of europeans that get possessed? i wonder why... :P) the final scene with demonic father lucas and michael is very climatic and well-acted esp. that anthony hopkins (such a versatile actor!), and i think what i liked about this movie the most is that michael had a complicated past that you had to piece together with lil’ flashbacks here and there. the devil/demon really honed in on his lil’ weird family, but despite all that, good ALWAYS triumphs over evil, and that, my spiritual friends, is why belief in a higher being always comes in handy... ;)

p.s. this movie isn't scary at all...  in fact, i think the poster is creepier than the actual movie. :P

MAO'S LAST DANCER
4 out of 5 stars

i absolutely loved this movie about china’s greatest ballet dancer OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME!!! :P

mikhail baryshnikov was russia’s greatest ballet dancer, but china had their own. this movie shows us the story of how a little peasant boy is plucked from his class, trains under the cruel tutelage of his ballet instructors at the madame mao ballet academy, and then goes on to becoming a superstar of the houston ballet. li cunxin arrives at the houston airport, and is greeted by ben stevenson (bruce greenwood AKA capt pike from the newest star trek) and his principal dancers and their spouses. he doesn’t speak much english, but with the help of his english-chinese dictionary, he picks it up quite easily… and when one of the male principals pulls an arm muscle right before a major show at the miller theater in houston, li cunxin is asked to learn “don quixote” in 3 hours and take the stage for the first time in the u.s. he’s not sure he can do it, but the memories of his parents, his siblings, his schooling, his friends compell him to take the stage. he even has an american GF named elizabeth, who is also a ballerina, but obviously isn’t good enough to dance with the houston ballet. cunxin is then faced with political pressure from his motherland to return back to china after his gig in houston is up, but he doesn’t want to. this forces the still-communist chinese govt to detain cunxin, and this causes problems for all involved… (but not when your lawyer is trey macdougal from SATC! :P)

ballet fanatics: you’ll LOVE this. for those who hate subtitles: have no fear because 80% of the movie is in english… for those who want to feel inspired and want a good cry: this is the movie for you… what i liked about this movie the most is that one can never dream too big, and also even if there seems to be a cost to pursuing your dreams, in the end, it all works out… it’s a good biopic, plus i feel like it’s got some good historical content too re: mao’s red china and the chinese cultural revolution. so, go on… educate yourself, and add this movie to your queue! ;)

THE COMPANY MEN
3 out of 5 stars

a very appropriate movie for uncertain economic times... tommy lee jones and chris cooper really make this one worthwhile with their performances in this one. :)

with our economy dying, more and more people are losing their jobs. even the higher-ups. this movie focuses on those in the private sector...3 individuals working at a transportation/logistics company called GTX. bobby walker (ben affleck) walks into work with a golf club and a great attitude, ready to take on today’s challenges in the logistics industry. little does he know, he’s about to get fired by the head of HR, sally wilcox. (maria bello) he’s offered a generous severance package, but he stills needs to get a job... and, at age 37, that’s actually harder than it sounds. he falls behind on the mortgage, is forced to sell his porsche, moves in with his parents, and ends up taking a job at his brother in law (a small role for kevin costner)’s construction site. (he’s a home builder) phil (chris cooper) is a colleague of bobby’s, who gets laid off later on thanks to a round 2 of down-sizing, and he has even a harder time adjusting because no one wants to hire a 60 year old for a job 20 somethings can do for less... then, to round out the cast, gene mcleary (tommy lee jones) is the CFO or maybe even COO of GTX, who gets fired by his best friend, the CEO, due to the fact that he was morally against the down-sizing and openly questioned it in meetings. getting fired sucks... but, it’s what we do to move on from it that matters the most. ;)

such a dramatic look into what happens to those who get the pink slip after 10-15 years of service. i mean, what happened to the guys who worked at lehman? you may think that it’s easy to pick up the pieces and move on, but it’s a lot harder when you’re 60...heck, when you’re 37. (who’s gonna hire ya if there’s a 20 something MBA who can do it for less?) sometimes you wonder through this film... this is another case of “don’t buy things you can’t afford?” or “why didn’t you have a rainy day fund?” regardless, acting is really good esp. since you’ve got chris cooper AND tommy lee jones AND lots of good supporting roles too i.e. craig t. nelson and rosemary dewitt as ben affleck’s character’s cash-strapped wife. i was kind of hoping this would be more lighthearted and comedic due to the nature of the subject at hand, but then again, i’ve been laid off and it certainly is never fun... :/

one star movie weekend!

THE ROOMMATE
1 out of 5 stars

two 1 star ratings in 1 post b/c i didn’t feel like writing/posting a full length review for two shitty movies… why summarize movies that have lame plots? :P (so, here’s just a paragraph review for each)

was this suppose to be a thriller or horror? do you remember that horrible penn badgley movie…the stepfather? well, substitute another cast member of GG (leighton meester AKA blair waldorf), and you get this movie. why hollywood gave the green light on this BAFFLES me… also, isn’t minka kelly a bit old for this role? she’s suppose to be a college FRESHMAN, which means she should be around 17-18, but girlfriend is like a 30 something! tsk, tsk… i totally thought the pic of those little girls in the beginning of the movie were her kids. they should have gotten jessica whatsherface AKA vanessa from GG instead! well, at least, cam gigandet is a cutie pie, and he’s always great at on-screen romances… ;)

GULLIVER'S TRAVELS
1 out of 5 stars

jonathan swift is probably rolling in his grave right now… and, you can blame it on fox pictures! :P

jack black has always been hit or miss with me in terms of comedy, but this is probably his worst flick… (i think his best is tropic thunder, actually) here, he’s just reprising his role from school of rock, teaching the little ppl of lilliput how to rock n’ roll and breaking out in song randomly throughout the movie. i know this was for kids, but i really don’t see how kids would have found this funny or entertaining… (maybe the pee fire scene?) don’t really understand why hollywood gave a green light for this one too, so it makes me wonder if jack black couldn’t get a sequel made for school of rock? tsk, tsk… this one was really REALLY awful, and it pains me to see great actors like emily blunt and billy connelly in this. BLERGH… :/

TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK OF THE MOON
3 out of 5 stars 

AUTOBOTS... ATTACK!!!

michael bay does it thrice... but this time, it’s BIGGER, LONGER, AND MOODIER. at a whopin’ 157 minutes, the autobots and shia laboeuf are baaaaaaaack... in 3D IMAX, thankyouverymuch... :P

so, the plot of this one ties in the moon landing with our favorite transformers, the autobots. sentinel prime (voiced by leonard nimoy) leaves the transformers’ home planet, cybertron, with the pillars (these portals that can open up wormholes) in a spaceship called “the ark”. the ark crash lands on the moon, and NASA decides to use the infamous neil armstrong moon landing as a coverup as a mission to figure out what the ark was carrying... fast-forward to present day, and autobots are now agents of the u.s. govt, fighting terror in the middle east as well as former USSR nations. while fighting off a decepticon in a nuclear winter in ukraine, optimus prime and his fellow autobots discover a piece of the ark. this prompts them to bring sentinel prime back to earth to revive him, but things don’t necessarily go as planned... hint: the autobots find themselves perhaps fighting a bigger enemy than megatron and his decepticon buddies. meanwhile, sam witwicky (shia laboeuf) is having trouble finding a job after graduating from college, although he’s dating quite a hottie named carly. (british model rosie huntington-whiteley) he’s restless and wants in on the action again after saving the world 2X, but settles for a mail clerk gig at some defense software company in d.c. well, until ken jeong decides to slip him some top secret NASA info. in the men’s bathroom. hehe... :P

the plot is actually pretty good in terms of the whole govt conspiracy angle, but why patrick dempsey as the human villain? WHY?! sooooooo ridic... there’s a lot of unnecessary drama i.e. shia crying and really awful human/robot interaction. (esp. towards the end) it’s also really sad to see john malkovich and john tuturro reduced down to such poor roles. tsk tsk... more of 2 star movie, but what makes it worthwhile is the 3D IMAX, of course. (hence the extra star) one can’t help but shout “FOR FREEEEEEDOM” in the theater when optimus prime saves the day... becuz nothing says “happy birthday, america!” like a red and blue alien robot ripping apart the enemy like a piece of meat... :P

CASINO JACK
4 out of 5 stars

ohhhh, jack abramoff. there’s a name EVERYONE in d.c./politics has heard of since the bastard was connected to everyone, including george w. but shame on you, jack... taking advantage of ‘dem poor indians. here’s a story of what happens when you buy things you can’t afford + you think you’re smarter than everyone. (when you’re not) tsk, tsk... :P

the movie begins with jack (a spicy kevin spacey) and his associate michael scanlon (barry pepper) getting arrested by the FBI. they’re arrested for FRAUD (no surprise there), and jack is hauled off to jail. he begins telling his tale to two others arrested for their deeds, and he starts from the very beginning... jack and michael (two fast-talking lobbyists) are hired by a super lobbying firm in d.c. (K street in particular!), and they begin working with the indian casinos in michigan and the midwest. they know that the indian casinos are cash cows, so they propose to one of the chiefs, that they will stop a rival casino from opening near his, if they pay them their monthly retainer of a million/month. if their firm is hired, they’ll do whatever it takes to convince senators and govt legislature to stop the rival casino from getting their permits and whatnot, and of course, the indian casinos give in and pay this exorbitant fee to jack and his associates. do they actually do what they say though? NO, OF COURSE NOT. because that would be legal and silly, of course. :P there’s also a secondary story, where jack and michael get involved with another casino company called sunsails cruises, which is owned and operated by a mob-like greek guy named gus boulis. they bring in adam kidan (LOL, jon lovitz), a mattress salesman/owner, and he just brings a whole another load of trouble in the form of hiring italian mobsters to off poor gus.

it’s a giant clusterfuck of a mess, but it’s fun. i wouldn’t say this was dramatic at all... i think i spent more time laughing than watching. kevin spacey is obviously a great actor, and he portrays jack abramoff as the prick he is but there’s also a soft side to him as well. (you learn that jack’s intentions are well-intended i.e. the jewish school, community center, charities, foundations, kosher restaurants) of course, he makes his $ illegally, but he’s not a completely rotten human being. not sure about michael, who seems to just care about cars, ladies, and houses. typical republican, right? :P (j/k...) jon lovitz really nails it as creepy adam kidan, and the whole movie is actually quite good. maybe i just liked it b/c i’m from DC, but maybe you’ll like it too? ;)