THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX
4 out of 5 stars

“sometimes, it doesn’t take much for our dreams to come true. you just have to see it that way.”

OMG who knew that mice could be cute?! (and rats so vile!?) such an adorable story about forgiveness and having the courage to bend the rules of your society… ;)

based on a children’s book by the same name, this was a very cute and morally uplifting tale of a tiny mouse named despereaux, a humane rat named roscuro, and a bumbling wannabe princess named miggery sow. there are three layers to this unique children’s story: despereaux (voiced by matthew broderick) is different from his fellow mice, who happen to live inside the castle walls of princess pea’s home, as he is adventurous and doesn’t cower at the sight of cats. (cute scene when his school teacher shows his parents “fluffy”) roscuro (voiced by dustin hoffman) is a gentleman rat who is “accidentally” left behind after causing a disasterous incident at the castle’s soup day. and…miggery sow is a young maiden for princess pea, who desperately wants to be a princess despite her cauliflower ears and her ugly face. essentially, these three characters get involved with the young princess’s life, where the mouse falls in love with her, the rat accidentally kills her mother, and miggery just wants to be her. i mean, who could resist a story about a mouse when he looks like this:

i really liked this movie because it had such a unique story with interesting characters! (i mean, look at the character called boldo… he was made of fruit and veggies!) very well animated, well narrated with sigourney weaver’s motherly voice, and such a good overall message for children, any age! not in the same league as ratatouille because both movies deal with food and rodent creatures, but it’s still worth a watch… imean, LOOK at how despereaux! how can one say no to that?! :P

EASY A
4 out of 5 stars

marianne: “there's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.”

olive: “tom cruise?”

OMG, this movie is so HILARIOUS! soooooo many times of LOL-ing… the script is highly funny and emma stone AKA olive penderghast does a really great job as the comedic lead. i think she may end up as the next tina fey or amy poehler…maybe? ;)

so, who is this olive penderghast? she’s nothing more than an average high school student living in smalltown ojai, cali, with her crazy progressive parents played by stanley tucci and patricia clarkson and her adopted african (“where are you from originally?”) brother chip. she’s got a BFF named rhiannon AKA big tits (you’ll see why she gets that name), and she tells a small fib about how she lost her virginity to some college freshman who’s a friend of her brother’s. this leads to a rumor spreading around school that she’s a slut… olive doesn’t really mind the rumor because she ends up making money off of it from all the unpopular guys who want to say they got it in with her, and also she becomes…popular. “coincidentally”… (of course!) olive and her classmates are reading “the scarlet letter” by nathaniel hawthorne, where olive too stitches a red letter to her boob to signify her status. throw in some HS love between her and dan from GG, and you get this! (oh, and amanda bynes and cam gigandet are also in this somehow…)

like i said: REALLY REALLY FUNNY. emma stone does a great job as sarcastic/witty olive, and her parents are even funnier, i think… plus, the overall story of this movie is pretty original and it’s cute! (esp. when she ends up with dan from GG- oh, you saw that coming! it’s a rom com!) even thomas haden church gets some good lines esp. when he’s bitching about how kids these days are constantly posting every thought they have on FB… but hands down, the best scene is when the gay kid runs away from home with his big, bulky black BF. LOL, i never looked at mark twain like that before… :P

LET ME IN
3 out of 5 stars


the creepy swedish film about a little girl vampire gets re-done by the director of cloverfield and the main character is played by none other than chloe grace moretz AKA hit-girl from kickass! surprisingly well done in the style of the original, and well acted by both the bullied little boy and the vamp little girl... ;)

the story of the movie is essentially the same as the swedish version. (that’s probably because the sweds set a pretty good precedent with their version) read my blog post on the plot, if interested... matt reeves starts off differently though from the sweds by showing us the middle of the original story, where with an ambulance rushing a badly burnt car accident victim to the los alamos, NM general hospital. this burn victim is a john doe, and a detective tries to question him while he’s trying to breath on a respirator. the detective gets a phone call from the nurse’s station on the first floor of the hospital, and in that instance, the burn victim “appears” to have committed suicide after writing a short note on a pad: “i’m sorry, abby.” so, who is abby? and why did this guy die for her? i guess the question soon becomes WHAT is abby? hint: she needs blood to live, is immortal, and has super-human strength... ;)

the little boy who plays the bullied kid owen does a fantastic job! abby is also superb, but so is richard jenkins who plays abby’s guardian AKA the burn victim... i think this one was well adapted for an american audience, and matt reeves did a good job relocating the original small swedish town to los alamos. the relationship between owen and abby is really innocent and sweet, and of course, the true relationship between abby and her guardian is just disturbing... i still think that the original storyline AKA the book hasn’t been well adapted yet, thus my rating of this adaptation is the same as the swedish version. i mean, how did abby become a vampire? what’s her back story? questions apparently the book answered well. well, include them in the storyline, dammit! :P

THE SOCIAL NETWORK
5 out of 5 stars

mark zuckerberg: “eduardo, it’s like a final club except we’re the president.”



hmm… I had really high expectations for this one just because it was an oscar nom as well as a golden globe recipient. do i think it comes to the other contenders of 2010? i don’t think so… do i think david fincher’s touch of magic and style as well as aaron sorkin’s creative script got it there? oh yeah… ;)


a cleverly written story and script about the biggest d-bag on the face of the planet… (as some of you already know, but i’ll recap for those who don’t) the year is 2003, and a angry harvard sophomore named mark zuckerberg (jesse eisenberg) gets dumped by his BU girl erica, then goes home to blog about her being a bitch as well as write some code to come up with a stupid girl rating website called facemash.com. truth of the matter is that mark is a class-A jerk with horrible social skills, has one true friend named eduardo saverin (andrew garfield), and desires to become a member of the phoenix club, one of the elite final clubs on campus. shit starts to hit the fan when facemash.com causes problems at harvard, however, it gets the attention of star crew athletes AKA the winklevoss twins and their friend divya nevandra. they approach mark with an idea called the harvard connection, where students could set up profiles, bios, upload pics, and whatnot. mark agrees to be a part of this project, but then comes up with his own website called…THE facebook. he gets financial help from eduardo first, but when his site comes to the attention of napster founder sean parker (timberlake), relationships start to deteriorate and lawsuits against zuckerberg start to form…


it’s ironic that a person who had no true friends or any social skills for that matter, created something that was a social phenomenon. it was fun to see the history of facebook come to life on the big screen, and david fincher and aaron sorkin really did well in their respective parts delivering something enjoyable for us all. jesse eisenberg’s version of zuckerberg really ANNOYED the hell out of me, and i think andrew garfield’s eduardo was really underlooked. let this be a lesson in business ethics, kiddos… fucking your friends over to claim sole IP rights and glory isn’t worth the million dollar settlement in the end. don’t they teach that @ harvard? oh wait, maybe not to comp sci majors? anyway, THAT bothered the hell out of me and it will do that to you too, but the script and editing is why this is a must-see… ;)

THE OTHER GUYS
4 out of 5 stars


“i’m a peacock, captain! you gotta let me fly!” – det. terry hoitz

lots of memorable hilarious lines delivered none other than will ferell, who steals the show as wannabe det. alan gamble, a former forensic accountant for the NYPD. he’s partnered up with angry and in-tune with his feminine side det. terry hoitz (a hilarious mark wahlberg as evident above) AKA the “yankee clubber” after “accidentally” shooting derek jeter in the knee during a yanks game. this odd couple stumble upon a case of investment fraud when an investment banker named david erchon (steve coogan) gets into trouble with one of his key investors by losing 38 billion dollars of their $ on the volatile NY stock exchange. it doesn’t sound like much, but the relationship between hoitz and gamble is AWESOME and great script-writing... :P

best scenes: the college flashback where alan was known as gator the pimp; out drinking terry hoitz-style; OMG...mama ramos!; the “pimps don’t cry” song; michael keaton’s scenes as capt. gene who also has a part-time job as a BB&B manager and droppin' TLC song lyrics w/o even knowing it! but who could forget the prius?! (OMG...the homeless dudes’ orgy!) it’s comedy gold, and i think i still got tears rolling down my eyes from this... really REALLY funny and such a perfect movie for will ferell fans! :P (granted it ain't old school or ron burgundy- but better than the recent shitty ones he's made) 

STEP UP 3
4 out of 5 stars

HOLY SHIT, THESE KIDS CAN DANCE!!!

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this!!! words can not express how well the choreography is done, how well these dancers can move, and plus the main guy luke is really really hott... ;)

if you aren’t familiar with the step up series, basically the premise of the movie is that a guy and a girl ALWAYS fall in love. in this movie, you get double the love because you got two main characters: luke (head biatch in charge of the dance crew called the pirates) and moose (you probably remember him from step up 2!) while moose is touring the NYU campus as an incoming freshman, he encounters members of the house of samurai, and inadvertently challenges them to a battle. he kicks ass, luke gets the footage on his video cam, and invites him back to his place. so, it’s revealed that luke operates a dance club in a brooklyn warehouse, and allows his dance crew to board/rehearse in the upstairs loft area. it’s too bad that he’s behind on the mortgage...like 6 months, and his place will be up for public auction if they don’t come up with the $. luckily for them, the world jam’s grand prize is $100K large, so luke and his crew have their eyes on the prize... of course, it wouldn’t be step up without some good ol’ fashion rivalry! the house of samurai want to claim the glory at the world jam too, so what else is left to do? I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE BATTLE, BIATCH! :P

extra star for AMAZING DANCING!!! the final dance battle is just beyond ridic with all those lights, and this is just a high energy/super fun movie. the acting is of course awful, but the true talent is in those dance moves, baby... the characters are actually kind of fun esp. moose who’s this goofy, skinny jewish kid who can move. they really did an awesome job casting some fab dancers including when i freaked out when HARRY SHUM JR. reprised his role as cable! GO, HARRY... GO, HARRY... :P

BOONDOCK SAINTS II: ALL SAINTS DAY
2 out of 5 stars


“ding dong, muthafucker! ding dong!” - romeo

the boondock saints are back! (and with a vengeance!)

if you haven’t seen the first one, SEE IT NOW. this one falls tremendously short of the first, but it’s good to see connor and murphy mcmanus (sean patrick flanery and norman reedus) kicking some italian ass in order to avenge their priest friend’s murder in south boston. billy connolly also reprises his role as noah “il duce” macmanus, as well as the doc AKA “fuck ass” and a special cameo by someone you’ll recognize from the first film. new characters include special agent eunice bloom (it’s rita from dexter!) with a southern accent, and peter fonda as noah’s arch nemesis AKA “the old man”... so basically, the plot obviously centers on the boys living in rural ireland as sheep farmers, but when news of their beloved priest in south boston gets to their ears, they decide to avenge his death by punishing those involved including members of the italian mob. there’s even a random mexican guy named romeo who joins the macmanus boys, and he serves well as comic relief... :P

let’s put this simply: THIS COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. too much of a straight to DVD feel... why theyy AKA hollywood decided to do a sequel is beyond me. the first one was actually well done! plus, why is sean patrick flanery so old looking now? (almost to the point where you have to second guess yourself!) plus, if you were ever wondering what judd nelson was up to these days... this is your answer: starring in movies like these. :/

NEVER LET ME GO
4 out of 5 stars

“in the end, we all complete.” – kathy h.



at first, i had mixed feelings about this one, but in the end as i thought about it some more, i ended up really liking it. i think the soundtrack alone deserves some type of accolade, but the overall story and message of the movie is well thought out, IMO… ;)


based on a book by japanese-british author kazuo ishiguro, never let me go focuses on 3 main characters and follows them from childhood to adulthood. kathy (carey mulligan who always looks sad), tommy (andrew garfield from the social network), and ruth (a frumpy keira knightley) are students at the hailsham boarding school in england, and we learn that they’re no ordinary students… they’re actually genetically engineered clones bred for the advancement of organ donation. it’s a very very sad reality, and even sadder to think that their lives have already been designed by the very organization that produced these “children”. kathy and tommy end up liking each other, but ruth actually ends up with tommy. this love triangle creates problems for the 3 friends, but in the end, as kathy states, they all complete. watch this one, and find out what that word actually means…


like i said, the music alone is quite beautifully done… that cello, that viola solo! (i wonder if i can find it on itunes? i’d love to own it!) it’s a very interesting look at science vs. the human soul, since we see relationships blossom and feelings of jealousy/love/anger/grief all take place in these so-called clones. very very interesting, and it’s a sad reality that their purpose in life is to provide others with their organs… the acting is quite good, and it’s definitely worth a watch, esp. those into british dramas i.e. atonement or wuthering heights… ;)

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN
1 out of 5 stars


wasn’t really blown away with this one... i even had really low expectations too! :P

based on a short story written by horror master clive barker, japanese director, ryuhei kitamura, takes it on and actually gives us a really creepy version of new york city and the subway system. this one stars bradley cooper as leon, a NYC up-and-coming photographer, who tries really hard to capture the essence of the city... his GF maya (leslie bibb) hooks him up with an interview with susan hoff (brooke shields), famed art gallery owner, and she basically tells him to come back when he’s got better pictures of the city. (the ones he presents to her a kind of a bore) this sparks an idea in leon’s mind, and he photographs a pretty young japanese girl getting assaulted by a trio of thugs. he even photographs her getting into the subway,and it really freaks him out when the same girl is declared missing the next day... leon has a hunch that a tall, creepy guy simply named mahogany is behind the disappearances of countless victims, and by tracking his movements, he finds out that the mohogany is butchering people up on the subway! (very bloody scenes esp. since his weapon of choice is a solid silver meat cleaver)

this one started out quite nicely and was very thrilling, but towards the end, you’re lead down a very weird plot “twist”. (it’s not even much a twist, but more of a WTF?!) the butchering scenes are really graphic and truly will gross you out, but points/1 star for good cinematography and nice color filtering to give this a cold/edgy feel. to put it lightly: it could have been better. horror, it is not, but a thriller, it could have been great. the plot “twist” needed more explanation, plus who the hell was mahogany anyway?! ugh... sometimes i really want a good fleshed out story within a movie. however, in this case, it was too much literal flesh and not much of the metaphorical kind... :/

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE: FIRST SEQUENCE
1 out of 5 stars

dr. heiter: "i'll explain this spectacular operation only once. we start with cutting the ligamentum patella, the ligaments of the kneecaps, so knee extension is no longer possible. pulling from "B" and "C" the central incisors, lateral incisors and canines from the upper and lower jaws, the lips from "B" and "C," and the anus of "A" and "B," are cut circular along the border between skin and mucosa, the mucus cutaneous zone. two pedicelated grafts are prepared and lifted from the underlying tissue. the shaped incisions below the chins of "B" and "C" up to their cheeks connecting the circular mucosa and skin parts of anus and mouth, from "A" to "B," and "B" to "C," connecting the pedicelated grafts to the chin-cheek incisions from "A" to "B," and "B" to "C," creating a siamese triplet, connected via the gastric system. ingestion by A, passing through B, to the excretion of C. the human centipede, first sequence."

WTF WTF WTF?!? :O (i can not count how many times this was said throughout this one...)


if you ever muster enough courage and patience to watch this, i guarantee that this will probably be THE MOST FUCKED UP MOVIE YOU WILL EVER SEE in a long time...

the movie starts out like any good horror/torture porn... two beautiful girls backpacking through europe, jenny and lindsay, decide they’re going to out and party at some german nightclub, but end up stranded on the side of some country road thanks to a flat tire. they go out looking for help, but end up on the doorsteps of dr. josef heiter, renown surgeon AKA dr. german crazy-ass. he eventually sedates the girls along with a japanese guy, and ultimately explains to them that he’s going to make a human centipede out of them. why? who the fuck knows? it’s dr. crazy-ass, silly! :P   

this movie will probably make you wonder where ppl come up with stuff like this. SERIOUSLY. i really think the whole concept of a human centipede probably shouldn’t have been made into a movie... but you got to hand it to tom six, the director. as fucked up as this goes, he did do a pretty good job picking the creepiest german dude on the face of the planet, getting the actors to act like a true centipede, and probably coming up with the most original torture porn storyline i’ve seen in a while. this one will haunt you, folks. it’s not for the faint hearted... it’s pretty disgusting, esp. the scene when the japanese guy goes through the process of digestion, and of course his shit ends up... yeah... i think i’m gonna go puke in my toilet now... :/

p.s. apparently there's to be a second and possible a third "sequel"?  oh lorrrd...  please don't.  once was enough for the movie world to handle! 

NOWHERE BOY
4 out of 5 stars


i guess my queue right now is in biopic mode, since i ended up watching the early years of john lennon played brilliantly by aaron johnson AKA kickass! really interesting look at john lennon circa 15 years old, and this one is just fabu... ;)

nowhere boy is john lennon circa when he was 15. we learn that he is being raised by his aunt mimi (kristen scott thomas- AWESOME job!) and uncle george in liverpool, and he’s a wild child. he cuts class, smokes a ton, is constantly getting expelled, rides buses on the roof (LOL!), writes poetry and draws while in class, and even brings a nuddie magazine to school. he’s extremely charming and very talented musically, but his true talents as a musician don’t shine until he learns at his uncle’s funeral, that his mother julia is still alive and literally living around the corner from his home. they began to spend more and more time together, and julia teaches john about rock n’ roll and also how to play the banjo. (which he ultimately transfers his skills to guitar) aunt mimi disapproves this, and this creates conflict between the two sisters as well as john. while family drama is brewing at home, john decides he’s going to form a band with his school chums, and of course, along the way, he meets a young lad named paul mccartney who teaches him how to play guitar. then, along the way again, he meets another young lad named george harrison, who wants to join his band...

i actually thought the acting, the story of lennon’s early years, and his relationships with both mother and aunt were well done all around! as screwed up as he was, he loved both his mother and his aunt mimi sooooo much, and it’s interesting to see how both of them impacted john as a person AND musician. the brits really did a great job with this one, and i really liked how we see john lennon, the young lad/pre-beatle. i don’t think there’s much stuff shed on the early years, so i appreciated this one, as you can tell... ;)

EDGE OF DARKNESS
1 out of 5 stars

such a disappointment! this movie made no sense whatsoever and mel gibson plays AGAIN a grieving father… thrilling, it is NOT, and who the hell is ray winstone’s character?! :/



essentially, the movie starts out with mel gibson’s character, detective tom craven, waiting for his daughter emma at the boston train station. she’s come home on vacation, either from washington d.c. or some other place? it’s not very clear… anyway, it turns out that she’s a nuclear research intern with some massachusetts nuclear research facility, and refuses to talk about what she does there. it’s all very suspicious, but tom is extra-concerned when emma starts throwing up uncontrollably and her nose starts to bleed profusely! they’re about to go to the ER, when a masked gunman shoots emma in the stomach, right on tom’s front porch. tom doesn’t understand why anyone would want to kill his daughter, thus he starts investigating into her life, which leads him to her job. they explain what kind of work she was involved in, but if you’re like me and have seen enough of the govt conspiracy genre, you’ll probably see this one coming from a mile away…


given that the title of the movie is so dark and forboding, i actually thought this would be a lot like law abiding citizen or taken. it’s neither, and it’s suppose to be this crazy government weapons conspiracy theory but it just fizzles out… there’s no thrill, mel gibson runs around like a crazy person, and you’re left with a “give me my 2 hours back, dammit” feeling… SKIP this on the queue. don’t make the same mistake i did, and actually watch it… :/