NOTORIOUS
3 out of 5 stars


now, i’m a fan of biopics, and i think this was actually really well done! the actor who plays biggie smalls really got to the core of biggie’s character, and i have to say, this one was overlooked by the oscars, IMO... a good tribute to the rapper who put east coast rap on the map. good job! ;)

the movie starts out with biggie’s most famous hitmaker “hypnotize” playing in the background at some hot L.A. nightclub, while biggie (jamal woodard) and his friends drink to the highlife after the soul train music awards. the year is 1997, and biggie and his friends get into a slick black cadillac escalade to head back to the hotel for some after party fun. an unknown assailant shoots at the rapper, and he dies... then, it flashes back to the time, where biggie was just known as christopher wallace, a young kid living with his single mother (angela bassett) in brooklyn, NYC. we see young chris get involved in drug deals at the age of 12, listening to 80s hip hop, and even gets into fights with his mother when she finds out that he’s been dealing drugs behind her back... we even see him deal with his first baby mama, screw lil’ kim, and eventually he’ll marry faith evans after signing a record deal with recording producer puffy AKA puff daddy. (AKA p.diddy AKA diddy) it’s your typical drug dealer turned rapper story, but christopher wallace was more than just some drug dealer. he was in fact biggie smalls AKA the notorious B.I.G., who influenced the art of rap in such a short time... ;)

this movie was produced and released nearly a decade after the death of biggie smalls AND tupac shakur, and i think it was certainly appropriately done. both rap stars’ portrayals are SPOT-ON, and like i said, i think this one was overlooked by the academy... anthony mackie (from the hurt locker) portrays tupac, and i actually think they should do a separate movie on him to explain his rage against east coast rap as well as blaming his first attempted assassination on biggie and puffy. the acting is superb, and i thought they did a good job telling biggie’s life story. you can’t help but get teary-eyed near the very end... R.I.P. biggie!

MACGRUBER
2 out of 5 stars

“cunth, i’m gonna rip your dick off, and shove it in your mouth.” - macgruber



not really sure why hollywood decided to do a whole movie on a SNL skit? ridiculous movie with ridiculous characters such as macgruber, dixon piper (try not to giggle when you say it quickly enough), and dieter von cunth… (try not to giggle again… i dare ya!) 2 stars for only 2 truly funny scenes: the sex scenes & the celery in the butt! (what what) :P


for those of you know not familiar with macgruber: he’s basically zoolander meets macgyver! (yes, a dumbass macgyver!) will forte from SNL teams up with funny lady kristen wiig and ryan phillippe to form team macgruber, and together, they try and stop dieter von cunth (a VERY bloated val kilmer sporting a kurt russell-esque hairdo) from blowing up the white house. it turns out that dieter stole a russian nuclear warhead, and has plans on destroying washington d.c. but before they even get to that, macgruber wants to exact revenge on the man who killed his wife at his own wedding… (you really need to know who was behind that? hehe… :P)


like i said: 2 stars for only 2 truly funny scenes. the celery in the ass still cracks me up, but that’s only a little snippet of the movie. if you’re into 80s humor, penis and poo jokes, and just dumbass fun, this movie is probably for you. if not, skip this one on the queue…

THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE
2 out of 5 stars


great special effects, but fails on plot development and a good antagonist... (morgana la fay? really? is that the best you could come up with, disney?) lots of good characters AKA the sorcerers with awesome names like balthazar blake and maxim horvath, but in the end, it’s just about some dude learning magic from some homeless guy... oh, my bad... that was nicholas cage? oops... :P

the movie starts out with the betrayal of merlin, and the story of how two of his apprentices stopped morgana from performing the “rising”. (basically, she’s trying to destroy the world) intros are made, and we learn that merlin had three apprentices: balthazar blake (cage), veronica (monica belluci), and horvath (the always fab alfred molina). veronica ended up sacrificing herself to capture morgana’s essence, then balthazar captured her in something called the grimhold, which is a magical nesting doll. fast forward to the year 2000, a 10 year old named david stutler, who goes on a class field trip to one of the major NYC museums, but wanders off into an old antiquities store called arcana cabana. there, he meets balthazar blake for the first time, and is really creeped out by him and all the strange artifacts... balthazar shows young dave a dragon ring once owned by merlin, and it reacts by wrapping itself around his finger. but before you know it, dave starts messing with the ring, and the grimhold opens its first layer: horvath. fast forward to the year 2010, and 20 year old dave (jay baruchel) is a physics student at NYU, and of course, balthazar and horvath literally fight to save/kill dave, who apparently is the only one who can defeat the evil morgana...

like i said, the special effects and all that was done to magically “enhance” the movie are great. (esp. the mirror car chase... that was in fact pretty well done) it’s no harry potter though, and the plot is... i’m sorry, but it’s pretty lame. they could have done more with the characters, since they actually seemed quite interesting, but they don’t... (a shame) i actually thought this was a bit scary for a disney production, especially since this was suppose to be an adaptation of their beloved fantasia. fantasy it may be, but it sure as hell ain’t fantastic... :/

VALENTINE'S DAY
2 out of 5 stars

i couldn’t WAIT to watch this shit show of a rom com, and was especially excited when it arrived exactly on VALENTINE’S DAY! THANKU, NETFLIX! as awful as this was…i actually enjoyed it! :P (thanks to a bottle of cali rose wine & my heart shaped dove milk chocolates!)



i’m not even going to explain this so-called plot because i would need to do some sort of crazy venn diagram/concept map for you to follow along to this story… basically, it’s done in the style of love actually, where everyone somehow is related to one another, but there’s a lot of plot holes that just don’t get addressed.  plus, very convuluted, and plus plus, whomever did the casting for this must have done some sort of open-invite to whoever was available in hollywood to come out and film a scene or two… LOTS of different characters and relationships from elementary school children in love to people who hate the holiday…


why they even did the taylor + taylor storyline is beyond me… UNNECESSARY! also, the indian wedding?! why? the anti-valentine’s day party is just so stupid but fun esp. with the heart-shaped piñata, but hands down, the best storyline in this goes to bradley cooper and his football valentine AND julia roberts & her little boy valentine. just THAT alone would have been a good one… tsk, tsk.  i expect better from the director who made pretty woman!  COMEON!   

THE KING'S SPEECH
5 out of 5 stars

“if i am king, where is my power? can i declare war? form a government? levy a tax? no! and yet i am the seat of all authority because they think that when i speak, i speak for them.” – king george VI


BRAVO, colin firth! BRAVO, geoffrey rush! such a wonderful film about the struggles of a king’s speech problem and the person who helped him overcome it... BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO! ;)

based on historical events, BBC films teaches us the story of a king who couldn’t even speak an entire sentence without stammering through it... before he was king george VI, albert AKA bertie (colin firth) dreaded public speaking due to the fact that his stammer got the best of him every time he got in front of a mic. so, his wife, the lady of york (helena bonham carter), seeks out australian “doctor of speech defects” lionel logue (geoffrey rush), who agrees to help. logue isn’t your conventional speech therapist, and boy, are his methods both effective and hilarious... (i.e. cursing, body exercises, yelling out windows, singing, even uncovering past traumas of the patient) “bertie” is reluctant at first with lionel’s methods, but both his wife and lionel keep at it until he addresses his problem. as the lady of york states, it’s not like he can just NOT do any public speaking due to king george VI’s sudden ascension to the throne, after his older brother edward (guy pearce) abdicates to marry the woman he loves. so, therein lies the problem... how will bertie get better at speaking when he’s got to address his people during WWII?

a WONDERFUL story about the relationship between lionel and bertie, and it’s sweet to see how lionel helps bertie overcome his speech problems. it’s very heartfelt, and you can’t help but root for our king until the very end! GREAT script, GREAT acting, and GREAT soundtrack!!! (that classical soundtrack really works well with this one...) it’s no surprise that the king’s speech will dominate the oscars as it did with the golden globes, and i’m willing to bet that it may even win the coveted best picture. GO SEE IT NOW. DO IT. IT’S THAT GOOD. ;)

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE
1 out of 5 stars

i don’t think i’ve been this bored watching someone in love with both a vampire AND a werewolf… nothing really happens…they might as well have called it “new moon” part 2! (at least that would have been somewhat entertaining) dammit, i want my 2 hours back… :/



for those who don’t know: bella (kristen stewart) and edward (robert pattinson) are back together AGAIN. they’re back in good ol’ forks, washington state, and bella keeps asking poor edward to turn her into a vamp like him and the rest of the cullen clan. edward won’t do it until they’re married b/c he’s old school like that, and bella is really frustrated with him b/c of that… i mean, who doesn’t want to become immortal and drink blood for the rest of one’s life, right? other problems arise when a young guy named riley gets turned into a vamp by none other than victoria (bryce dallas howard) from the 1st movie, and they decide to create an army of “newborns” (newbie vamps) to kill the cullen clan for revenge. (remember edward killed victoria’s mate james in the 1st movie?) oh yeah… then, there’s jacob the native american werewolf (ab-licious taylor lautner- that boi is FOINE), who’s ALSO in love with bella, and wants her to choose him over edward. it’s problems, problems, problems, and it leaves bella conflicted…


i actually thought new moon was better in terms of a good story than this one. there are some good parts AKA the flashbacks of some of the other cullens like rosalie and jasper as well as some good effects AKA cullen training camp. the whole love triangle storyline is just eye-rollingly stupid/unnecessary, but everyone needs drama in their life, right? i guess if i were an angsty tween, i’d probably LOVE this, but i’m not… so… thus, my rating. :P

p.s. i'm going to start a campaign to bring back catherine hardwicke, the original director of the 1st movie!  BEST ONE.  let's see if breaking dawn will deliver results or...disappointment.

EAT PRAY LOVE
2 out of 5 stars

liz: ketut, how old are you?

ketut the balinese medicine man: i am one hundred and one. or maybe sixty-four.

this was a major disappointment for me because i thought the book was just so well-written and inspirational, and i thought that the film adaptation would be just as so. i was wrong... plus, sorry, julia... you just come across as a real whiny WASP-y bitch in this one... :/

for those who don’t know the story of the infamous self-enlightenment autobiography of famed author elizabeth gilbert... liz (julia roberts) is happily married to stephen (billy crudup), has a great writing career, has great friends, etc. the only thing missing in her life is PASSION. she’s sort of clinically depressed/goes through this mid-life crisis, so she divorces her husband cold-turkey, and decides to pack her bags to travel the world. however, not before she has a fling with a young NYC actor named david (james franco who needs to cut his hair)... first stop: ROME. cut to: lots of delicious italian dishes, gelato, and hanging out with great italian friends. second stop: CALCUTTA. cut to: lots of meditation, richard the texan, and an indian wedding! third stop: BALI. cut to: lots of beautiful tropics, spanish hottie javier bardem, and a funny medicine man named ketut, who apparently started this self journey for liz in the first place...

soooooo many problems with this movie... where do i even begin? first off...the calcutta/india scenes were just offensive! liz ends up in this guru’s temple all for the wrong reasons, and it’s totally clear that she doesn’t know what she’s even doing there and keeps expecting the “answers to life” to fall into her lap. uhh...sorry, it doesn’t work that way! the flashback scenes to liz’s “former life” in NYC are very choppy and the james franco scenes are actually inappropriately timed at times... i really wished they would have casted someone more neurotic like ellen pompeo or jennifer aniston because julia is too stiff for this role. (it doesn’t really fit the character of liz) the rome part is just so-so; india part blows; bali is fun. (as it should be!) this would have been better if they took it on a more comedic approach. waaay too serious for a movie about self-discovery... nor, does it make me want to find balance in my life? :/

WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
4 out of 5 stars


“it’s not about the money. it’s about the game.” - gordon gekko

the timing of this movie couldn’t have been any better! with a steep recession and a hurting economy RIGHT NOW, oliver stone chose the right time to film and release a movie about corporate greed and the volatile nature of the stock market. what better person defines corporate greed? that’s right...none other than gordon gekko, himself... ;)

the movie picks up right where we left off in the 80s. gordon gekko (michael douglas) is finally released from prison for insider trading and securities fraud, and he’s not happy... not even his own daughter winnie wants anything to do with him, and it hurts him tremendously since she’s all he’s got now. winnie (a boring carey mulligan) is engaged to jacob moore (shia labeouf), a smart stock broker working for keller zabel investments. jacob gets his bonus early from his boss/mentor lou zabel (a wonderful frank langella), and decides to buy winnie a gorgeous engagement ring from BVLGARI and invest the rest in KZI stock. too bad for him, the next day, KZI stock PLUMMETS, and it forces lou zabel to ask the u.s. treasury and fed reserve for a bailout in order to prevent bankruptcy. unfortunately, bretton james, a partner in another firm called churchill schwartz (josh brolin) puts the breaks on that, and forces lou to sell KZI to him for pennies. lou commits suicide the following day, and KZI becomes no more... however, jacob knows that there’s more to lou’s suicide, thus he enlists the help of gordon into finding out who bankrupted KZI in exchange for reconcile the past between gekko and his daughter...

even for someone who doesn’t read the wall street journal or knows the full story behind stocks and securities trading, this movie had sense and portrayed modern wall street well. oliver stone’s first film was an instant classic, and this one follows in that same direction. shia does a great job as street-smart jake, and has a passion for playing the market and fighting for his client, green energy. you also see how modern wall street is affected by media, esp. the internet, and it’s scary how one little white lie or rumor can cost a company MILLIONS. LOVED the charlie sheen cameo as bud fox from the first movie! but LOVED it even more when gekko becomes top dog on wall street again... he may be one greedy SOB, but even after 20 some years, he’s still got it! ;)

SPLICE
4 out of 5 stars


i originally thought this movie was going to be a knock-off of species, but it ended up being so much more! very original and not your typical sci-fi thriller/sci-fi experiment gone wrong! ;)

i think if you like sci-fi, you’ll enjoy this one: basically, it’s about these two bio chemists who work for an organization that specializes in genetic engineering, and they are essentially on the brink of solving mankind’s genetic diseases by creating these human-animal clones. adrien brody and sarah polley play the scientists, clive and elsa, and they decide to create their own human-animal clone against the organization’s plug on their project, thus creating “dren”. dren looks very much like a female human, but she’s got a stinger tail and a body of a kangaroo...? she also has a very active life cycle, aging faster and getting stronger each and every day. the problem emerges when dren, hidden away from the world, becomes more of a nuisance at the research facility, thus clive and elsa move her out to the elsa’s mother’s old farm. what happens out there is very interesting yet DISTURBING...

like i said, i totally thought this was going to be a knock-off of species... remember that awful trainwreck sci-fi back in the 90s? with michael madsen and forest whitaker and natasha whatsherface? yeah... it’s kind of like that in the “need for sex” sense, but this was done stylistically better and with much more better acting. adrien brody really shines as conflicted clive, who doesn’t want to create dren in the first place but does under the pressure of his wife/research partner. eventually, he ends up loving his beloved creature, but knows he’ll have to do something drastic if the creature were to ever escape. i also really liked the character development of dren, who’s not just some weird animal hybrid, but the human inside her makes her...human with dreams/wants/desires. i think that’s what makes this movie different from your typical sci-fi experiment gone wrong, but in the end, the moral of this tale is DON’T FUCK WITH SCIENCE. ;)

CASE 39
1 out of 5 stars

this was so stupid! a demon child?! really?! like we haven’t seen that before… :/



i don’t even know if it’s worth explaining the plot of this movie, but here we go:


renee zellweger (taking over from naomi watts in the horror genre) plays idealistic social worker emily jenkins, who decides to petition for custody of an abused little girl named lilith. after noticing that lilith might potentially be an abuse victim, emily gives her her home phone number in case of emergencies… pretty soon, lilith is calling emily in the middle of the night, asking her to rescue her from her crazy-ass parents. (and honestly, they are pretty crazy!) they try and kill her by sticking her in an oven (WTF!), but emily and her detective friend mike (the great ian mcshane reduced down to sooooo much… :() come to lilith’s rescue! well, they probably SHOULDN’T have saved her because lilith starts to possess her classmates into killing their parents, “killing” other people, and basically driving emily into insanity…


my problem with this is the fact that they never fully explained the origins of lilith and why she does the things she does to people. yes, we know it’s some sort of demon child, but WHAT is she, really? i was really hoping this would be something really really creepy and/or disturbing, but it was neither… and what was up with the telephone thing? since when did a movie about a demon child turn into one about cursed phone calls, LOL? the only cool scene in this movie is the one with the hornets and bradley cooper… (honestly, i’d just youtube that part and skip out on the rest. that’s actually done stylistically well…)

DRAGON HUNTERS
3 out of 5 stars

well…HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!! i watched this a few weeks back, but decided to write a post/review about it since it features this year’s chinese zodiac animal: the RABBIT! :D



derived from the french animation series of the same name… dragon hunters is about a couple of chinese con artists named lian-chu (voiced by forest whitaker) and gwizdo (voiced by rob paulsen who does a lot of character voices), who get word that lord arnold is giving a hefty bounty/reward to the person who slays the infamous dragon called the world gobbler! it’s too bad that lord arnold is blind as a bat because upon feeling lian-chu’s ginormous size, he thinks lian-chu IS a real dragon hunter… teamed up with motor mouth gwizdo, hector the little blue mutant doggie who looks a look like stitch, and lord arnold’s adventurous niece zoe, they embark on a journey to take on the world gobbler, along with some other nasty creatures that seem to get in the way…


the animation in this is GORGEOUS, and i enjoyed this a lot due to the lush colors and contrast between when the world was a dark hellhole and the difference you see when the world is full of beauty and light. the characters are really funny and well developed, however i would have liked to have to had a more fleshed-out script. (the speaking is very minimal and it’s all about the animation in this one) i really liked that blue haired dog esp. his interactions with zoe! lian-chu is a gentle giant, and his back story is told very well…to the point of tears. it’s a sweet story about how an imaginative little girl still believes in heroes even in a dark foreboding world, and heroes can come in all different sizes and shapes! even hector is a hero! so, go ahead and watch this on netflix instant now with your favorite chinese dish…mine happens to be hot & sour soup with shrimp szechuan. ;)

GROUNDHOG DAY
3 out of 5 stars

“phil? PHIL? PHIL connors? it’s me…ned ryerson!!!”



such a cult classic and appropriate for feb. 2nd’s movie of the day, right? HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!!! ;)


for those who haven’t seen this funny bill murray movie: phil connors (murray) is your typical egocentric news/weatherman who dreads going to punxsutawney, PA every year to do a news segment on groundhog phil’s predictions on the weather. he’s accompanied by his camera man larry (chris elliott- really funny) and his producer rita (sweet andie macdowell), and expects to go back home to pittsburgh after doing the segment. little does he know that he’s got to re-live groundhog day over and OVER AND OVER again…to the point where he can’t stand it anymore! wouldn’t you if you had to wake up to sonny & cher’s “i’ve got you, babe” every day at 6am? but, as much as phil dreads living this day over and over for months, it occurs to him that he’s got multiple chances to make things right…and to become a better person! ;)


the date scenes with rita (macdowell) are actually really sweet, and the whole thing coming together @ the end is really nice… (LOL @ the bachelor auction!) my favorite scenes: the first/initial interaction with phil and ned- how awkward; when phil “asks” out nancy; the groundhog police chase; the toaster bath!; phil taking piano lessons! a tid bit of trivia on IMDB: apparently the director (harold ramis) wanted to take this on a more comedic approach but bill murray wanted something more philosophical… i think they should have stuck with more comedic b/c the whole concept of a day repeating itself can lead to funny outcomes! (as evident in this movie) what do you think?


p.s. groundhog phil DID NOT see his shadow this year! YAAAY!!! that means spring will be here…on time!!! thank gawd… :P

TAKERS
1 out of 5 stars

this was nothing but a glorified music video… i mean, you’ve got T.I. “acting” as the antagonist, chris brown doing stunt moves, and paul walker… well, he’s just there! :P



the “plot” is very simple: it’s beautiful/sunny los angeles, and the federal california bank is about to get robbed. the crew is comprised of 1) gordon cozier AKA g AKA tall/dark/hansome idris elba; 2) john rahway AKA paul walker AKA acting as himself; 3) a.j. AKA hayden christensen AKA the kiss of death to all movies; 4) jake AKA michael ealy AKA ricky from barbershop!; 5) jesse AKA looks like pre-GF beater chris brown. they pull off a well-executed heist, but then, a wrench is thrown at them in the form of an old colleague AKA ghost AKA T.I. (yes, the rapper!) ghost gets out on parole, and he comes to his old crew with a job involving stealing from two armoured vehicles. on the flip side of the law, there’s det. jack wells AKA matt dillion, who is on the tail of these guys, trying to figure out what their next move will be…


very predictable plot with lots of god awful acting… with the exception of idris elba, everyone just seemed to be acting like themselves. certain entertainers can act… well, this is a testament that not EVERYONE can. (chris, please stick with your singing! T.I., stick with the rapping!) i think the only thing redeeming this from the trash pile is how good everyone looked in $5,000 suits. (that paul walker is GORGEOUS!) there wasn’t much to this, esp. lack of plot, character development, and even the action! like i said… a glorified music video w/o the music, which was another disappointment! how come we didn’t get to hear the T.I. feat. chris brown rap song @ the very end??? :P